All about Wives........

My wife dresses to kill. She also cooks the same way.
Henny Youngman
· My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield
· A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle
· I bought my wife a new car. She called and said, "There was water in the carburetor."
I asked her , "Where's the car?" She replied, "In the lake."
Henny Youngman
· Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Phyllis Diller
· The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.
Henny Youngman
· After a quarrel, a wife said to her husband, "You know, I was a fool when married you."
The husband replied, "Yes, dear, but I was in love and didn't notice."

· When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.

· I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.

· My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got myself two girlfriends.

· A man said his credit card was stolen but he decided not to report it since the thief was spending much less than his wife did.

· Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.

· You order what you want, then when you see what the other fellow has, You wish you had ordered that.

· Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.

· A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?"
The father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."

· Then there was a man who said, "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married; then it was too late.

· A man placed an ad in the classifieds: "Wife wanted."
The next day he received a hundred letters…They all said the same: "You can have mine."

· A woman was telling her friend, "I made my husband a millionaire."
"And what was he before you married him?" asked the friend…"A billionaire!!!" Pat came the reply.

· Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.

· Second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience.

· If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word you say, talk in your sleep.

· It's not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.

· Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.

· A man was complaining to a friend: "I had it all - money, a beautiful house, a big car, the love of a beautiful woman - and then, BAM!, it was all gone!"
"What happened?" asked his friend. "My wife found out..."

· A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

· A man meets a genie. The genie tells him he can ask for whatever he wants, But his mother-in-law gets double of what he gets.
The man thinks for a moment and says, "Okay, give me a million dollars and beat me till I'm half dead."

· Men who have pierced ears are better prepared for marriage.

· They've experienced pain and bought jewellery.

· How do most men define marriage?

· An expensive way to get your laundry done free.

· The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once.

· First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive.