More Jokes....

Sardar's theory : Moon is more impt than Sun, coz it gives light at
night when light is needed & Sun gives light during the day when light
is not needed!!!

Boss : am giving u job as a driver. STARTING salary Rs.2000/-, is it o.k
Sardar : U R great sir! Starting salary is o.k.......but??
how much is DRIVING salary...?




1 admi ke paas 1 kauwa tha
wo bahut naram-mulayam tha
to aadmi uska naam kya rakhega ?
.@
:-C
:'(



My-Crow-Soft !


Frog 2 sardar-kya sardar ka dimag hota hai?
Srdr-haan hota hai.
Frog-nahi hota hai n frog jumps in d water.
Srdr-isme suicide krne ki kya baat hai I was joking.


A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50.
The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.


A man walks into a barber shop and asks; "how much for a hair cut?" The barber said $12.50.
The man asks; "and how much for a shave?" The barber said $1.50. The man then says SHAVE IT ALL.





Sardar shouting 2 his girl friend " u said v will do register marriage
and cheated me, I was waiting 4 u yesterday whole day in the post
office....

Sardar is in a dissection class of cockroach. He cuts its 1 leg, and
says, "chal", it walks.
He cuts 2nd and 3rd legs and said, "chal" , it walks.
He cuts all the legs and said, "chal...." Finally he wrote the conclusion......
...... "after all the legs of a cockroach are cut - it becomes deaf......"

A Tamilian call up sardar and asks " tamil therima??"
Sardar got mad, angrily replied.... "Hindi tera baap!!!"

2 sardarjis looking at Egyptian mummy.
Sar 1 : Look so many bandages, pakka lorry accident case.
Sar 2 : Aaho, lorry number is also written...BC 1760!!!...

A sardar on an interview 4 da post detective.
Interviewer : who killed Gandhi?
Sardar : Thank u sir 4 giving me d job, I will start investigating

Interviewar: what s ur qualification?
Sardarji : Sir I am Ph.d.
Interviewar : what do u mean by Ph.d?
Sardarji : (smiling) PASSED HIGHSCHOOL with DIFFICULTY....

Amitab : In which state kaveri flows?
Sardar : liquid state.....
Audience clapped.. Amitab stunned, looks behind, ALL WERE SARDARS.......

Santa goes 2 a Petrol Pump sees a board Don"t use Mobile Here,
he Picks his Mobile Phone,
Calls everyone from his phone & says DON"T CALL ME NOW.

Aap ke brain ki xray report aa gayi
10gm mitti
10gm kankad-pathar
25 type ke kide makode
5gm makdi k jale
n 500gm ghaas-foos
kamaaal hai..
mujhe laga khali hoga

BOY: BUS,train aur ladki 1jaisi hi hoti hai, 1 jati hai to dusri aa jati hai.
Girl: Autoriksha, taxi aur ladke 1 jaise hote hai,1 bulao to 4 chale aate hai..!

CID to Santa: Why criminals leave

their finger prints aftr their work?

Santa: Sir, criminals r uneducatd.

If they r educatd,

they wud leave their signature


Santa on cycle hit lady accidently, lady says break nahi mar sakta tha?
Santa : Poori cycle to mar di...ab break alag se maroon kya?


Santa to salesman : I want a pink curtain for my computer screen.
Salesman: But sir computers dont need curtains.
Santa: Hello.. I got 'Windows' !!

Should you really marry a CA ????

When I told my mom that I wanted a professional woman as my wife, she got me one; a Chartered Accountant.

She uses LIFO method while taking out the refrigerated food. She thinks I am no good at figure work. Fine with me, for now she handles the budget of the house.

Initially she used to send me a bill at the month end, but when I told her that I am not her client but her husband, she asks for the money in advance. The expenses had been rising steadily over the months, so

One day I snooped into the papers maintained in a current file.

No wonder! She was charging conveyance and overtime to the house budget.

She is crazy, I tell her but she corrects me. "No my darling, I am the auditor." I fail to see the light.

Every scrap of the paper in our house is filed.

She tells me as per some Ordinance she must keep a copy of every thing for at least ten years before destroying it.

I am worried.
The other day we had an hour-long fight. Later, I got to know that she had charged that hour to a client of hers, in the time sheet. My time was put down as unoccupied.

She says that she loves me and I tell her that I love her too. However, she never believes me. She says that there is susceptibility of it being a misstatement. She wants my representation on this & Expert opinion of some Expert!

Not a long time back my brother's wedding was to be solemnized. Wedding cards had been sent. After some time I started receiving a steady trickle of letters. I was puzzled until my wife explained that external evidence was more reliable. She had called for confirmations from all those to whom cards were sent.

When she cooks, my wife at times does not go by recipe. Where the recipe says add half-teaspoon vinegar, one tsp black salt or one teacup of water, she ignores them. She says that they are not material when taken in context of whole meal being prepared.

She is crazy, I tell you. Surprisingly everybody calls her an auditor, instead. I checked the dictionary and it did not state that auditor is a synonym for crazy. The dictionary must be outdated. When we got married, she had given me an Engagement Letter and I Had said how cute-how sweet. Now she gives it to me every year saying that her standards state that it must be sent anew if there is any indication that I have misunderstood the objective and scope of engagement. Huh!

Apart from sending me the engagement letter once again she says I can't get rid off her just like that. She says that she has the right of being heard before I appoint some one else. It seems I must keep reading one local and another English newspaper published and circulated in the vicinity of our house for more details.

Phew! For a minute, I thought that we had jeopardized our going concern status. Dare I say so?? I am told by one of my female colleagues who is married to a CA that the scenario is even worse when the guy is a CA.

Apparently he capitalized the wedding expenses as preliminary expenses and is writing it off every year.

Also the time he spent dating his wife before marrying her is still under consideration for valuation under AS-26...valuation of intangible assets.

So guys please think twice....should u really marry a CA? And yes please discount it by the appropriate rate to arrive at the present value of the risk of doing so!!!



PS: Please don’t point your fingers at me!

Relationship.....

A boy and a girl were playing together. The boy had a collection of marbles. The girl had some sweets with her. The boy told the girl that he will give her all his marbles in exchange for her sweets. The girl agreed.

The boy kept the biggest and the most beautiful marble aside and gave the rest to the girl. The girl gave him all her sweets as she had promised.

That night, the girl slept peacefully. But the boy couldn't sleep as he kept wondering if the girl had hidden some sweets from him the way he had hidden his best marble.

Moral of the story:
If you don't give your hundred percent in a relationship, you'll always keep doubting if the other person has given his/her hundred percent.. This is applicable for any relationship like love, employer-employee relationship,friendship etc.,
Give your hundred percent to everything you do and sleep peacefully.

How it changed !!

Here i am sitting in my office @ night...
Thinking hard about life
How it changed from a maverick collage life to strict professional life......

How tiny pocket money changed to huge monthly paychecks
but then why it gives lesss happiness....

How a few local denim jeans changed to new branded wardrobe
but then why there are less people to use them

How a single plate of samosa changed to a full Pizza or burger
But then why there is less hunger.....

Here i am sitting in my office @ night...
Thinking hard about life
How it changed.....

How a bike always in reserve changed to bike / car always on
but then why there are less places to go on......

How a small coffee shop changed to cafe coffee day
but then why its feels like shop is far away.....

How a limited prepaid card changed to postpaid package
but then why there are less calls & more messages......

Here i am sitting in my office @ night...
Thinking hard about life
How it changed.....

How a general class journey changed to Flight journey
But then why there are less vacations for enjoyment....

How a old assembled desktop changed to new branded laptop
but then why there is less time to put it on..........

How a small bunch of friends changed to office mate
but then why after 8'o Clock it always feel like getting late....

Here i am sitting in my office @ night...
Thinking hard about life
How it changed..... how it changed..

Arunoday: The Chicago Visit….

Arunoday: The Chicago Visit….

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cloud_Gate

Facts...

Every day, a small ant arrives at work very early and starts work immediately.

She produces a lot and she was happy.

The Chief, a lion,

was surprised to see that the ant was working without supervision.


He thought if the ant can produce so much without supervision, wouldn’t she produce even more if she had a supervisor!


So he recruited a cockroach

who had extensive experience as supervisor and who was famous for writing excellent reports.


The cockroach’s first decision was to set up a clocking in attendance system.

He also needed a secretary to help him write and type his reports and …


... he recruited a spider, who managed the archives and monitored all phone calls.


The lion was delighted with the cockroach's reports

and asked him to produce graphs to describe production rates and to analyse trends, so that he could use them for presentations at

Board‘s meetings.



So the cockroach had to buy a new computer and a laser printer and ...


... recruited a fly

to manage the IT department.




The ant, who had once been so productive and relaxed, hated this new plethora of paperwork and meetings which used up most of her time…!


The lion came to the conclusion that it was high time to nominate a person in charge of the department where the ant worked.


The position was given to the cicada, whose first decision was to buy a carpet and an ergonomic chair for his office.



The new person in charge, the cicada, also needed a computer and a personal assistant ,who he brought from his previous department, to help him prepare a Work and Budget Control Strategic Optimisation Plan …


The Department where the ant works is now a sad place, where nobody laughs anymore and everybody has become upset...


It was at that time that the cicada convinced the boss , the lion, of the absolute necessity to start a climatic study of the environment .


Having reviewed the charges for running the ant’s department , the lion found out that the production was much less than before.


So he recruited the owl , a prestigious and renowned consultant to carry out an audit and suggest solutions.


The owl spent three months in the department and came up with an enormous report , in several volumes,

that concluded :

“ The department is overstaffed ...”



Guess who the lion fires first?




The ant , of course, because she

“showed lack of motivation and had a negative attitude".



Os personagens desta fábula são fictícios; qualquer semelhança com pessoas ou factos reais é pura coincidência.


NB:


The characters in this fable are fictitious; any resemblance toreal people or facts within the Corporation is pure coincidence…