Friday, July 28, 2006

CA V/S MBA

7 Chartered accountants and 7 Mba are
going from PUNE to Mumbai.

So they both gather at Pune Station.

Both groups are desperately trying to prove their superiority.

SCENE 1 (PUNE- MUMBAI) :
---------------------------------------

7 chartered accountants take only 1 Ticket and 7 mba buy all 7 tickets..


Mba are desperately waiting for TC to come......

When TC arrives,

All 7 Chartered accountants get in one toilet So when TC knocks , one hand
come

out with the ticket and the TC goes away....
----------------------------------------
NOW on return Journey All of them don't get a direct train to PUNE.

So they all decide to take a Passenger till Lonavala, from there they

can

easily get a LOCAL to PUNE

SCENE 2 (MUMBAI - LONAVALA) :

---------------------------------------------
Mba decided, "this time we will prove that we too are

equal"....All 7 Mba take 1 Ticket. Chartered accountants don't buy
any ticket at

all!!!!!..



TC arrives....



ALL MBA IN ONE TOILET.ALL CHARTERED ACCOUNTANTS IN THE OPPOSITE ONE..




One C.A.
gets out and knocks the door of Mba toilet, One

Hand comes with the tickets, he takes the ticket and comes in engg.

Bathroom...



TC DRIVES out ALL the mba from the toilet and they are heavily

fined



---------------------------------------------
SCENE 3 ( LONAVALA) :
-----------------------------------------
SO now both the group r on LONAVALA station. Mba planning their

move for last chance, they board the local to Pune.

This time mba decide that they will play the same(1 ticket) trick.

ALL Mba take 1 tickets...Chartered accountants BUY all 7 tickets this

time...

SO TC Comes.. All Chartered accountants showed their tickets.....


Mba are still searching for toilet in the LOCAL train...........

----------------------------------------------------------------
Conclusion: Technically
intelligent people are genius, but don't mess

with Chartered accountants.

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Tuesday, July 25, 2006

Some General Knowledge

In the 1400's a law was set forth that a man was not allowed to beat his
wife with a stick no thicker than his thumb. Hence we have "the rule of
thumb"

Many years ago in Scotland, a new game was invented. It was ruled
"Gentlemen Only...Ladies Forbidden"...and thus the word GOLF entered into
the English language.

The first couple to be shown in bed together on prime time TV were Fred and
Wilma Flintstone.

Every day more money is printed for Monopoly than the USTreasury.

Men can read smaller print than women can; women can hear better.

Coca-Cola was originally green.

It is impossible to lick your elbow.

The State with the highest percentage of people who walk to work: Alaska

The percentage of Africathat is wilderness: 28% (now get this...)

The percentage of North Americathat is wilderness: 38%

The cost of raising a medium-size dog to the age of eleven: $6,400

The average number of people airborne over the USany given hour: 61,000

Intelligent people have more zinc and copper in their hair.

The first novel ever written on a typewriter: Tom Sawyer.

The San FranciscoCable cars are the only mobile National Monuments.

Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history:
Spades - King David
Hearts - Charlemagne
Clubs -Alexander, the Great
Diamonds - Julius Caesar

111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321

If a statue in the park of a person on a horse has both front legs in the
air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air
the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has
all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.

Only two people signed the Declaration ofIndependenceon July 4th, John
Hancock andCharlesThomson. Most of the rest signed on August 2, but the
last signature wasn't added until 5 years later.

Q. Half of all Americans live within 50 miles of what?
A. Their birthplace

Q. Most boat owners name their boats. What is the most popular boat name
requested?
A. Obsession

Q. If you were to spell out numbers, how far would you have to go until you
would find the letter "A"?
A. One thousand

Q. What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser
printers all have in common?
A. All invented by women.

Q. What is the only food that doesn't spoil?
A. Honey

Q. Which day are there more collect calls than any other day of the year?
A. Father's Day

In Shakespeare's time, mattresses were secured on bed frames by ropes. When
you pulled on the ropes the mattress tightened, making the bed firmer to
sleep on. Hence the phrase......... "goodnight, sleep tight."

It was the accepted practice in Babylon4,000 years ago that for a month
after the wedding, the bride's father would supply his son-in-law with all
the mead he could drink. Mead is a honey beer and because their calendar
was lunar based, this period was called the honey month . which we know
today as the honeymoon.

In English pubs, ale is ordered by pints and quarts.. So in old England,
when customers got unruly, the bartender would yell at them "Mind your
pints and quarts, and settle down"
It's where we get the phrase "mind your P's and Q's"

Many years ago in England, pub frequenters had a whistle baked into the
rim, or handle, of their ceramic cups. When they needed a refill, they used
the whistle to get some service. "Wet your whistle" is the phrase inspired
by this practice.

At least 75% of people who read this will try to lick their elbow!

Don't delete this just because it looks weird. Believe it or not, you can
read it.

I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdgnieg. The
phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch at Cmabrigde
Uinervtisy, it deosn't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the
olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit
pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a
porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey lteter by
istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Amzanig huh?

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Thursday, July 20, 2006

1.Two Recursive functions calling each other
Mujhe kuchh kehna heinmujhe bhi kuchh kehna hein pehle tum, pehle tum
2. The debugger
Jab koi baat bigad jayeJab koi mushkil pad jayeTum dena saath mera hamnawaz
3. COM programming in VC++
Roop tera mastanaPyar mera deewanaBhool kahin hum se na ho jaye
4. From VC++ to VB
Yeh haseen vaadiyanYeh khula asmaanAa gaye hum kahan
5. Untrackable bug --
aye ajnabi, tu bhi kabhi,awaaz de kahin se
6. Unexpected bug (esp. during presentation to client)
Ye kya hua, Kaise hua, Kab hua, Kyon hua
7. And then to the client
Jab hua, Tab hua, O chhodo, ye na socho
8. Load Balancing
Saathi haath badhanaek akela thak jayegamil kar bojh uthana
9. Modem - talk on a busy connectionsuno -
kaho,kaha - suna,kuch huwa kya?Abhee to nahin...kuch bi nahin
10. Windows getting open sourced
Parde mein rahne doparda na uthaoparda jo uth gaya to bhed khul jayehaallah meri tauba, allah meri tauba
11. Local variable
Mein pal do pal ka shayar hoon,pal! do pal meri kahani hai,pal do pal meri hastihai...
12. Global variable
Main har ik pal ka shayar hoonhar ik pal meri kahani haihar ik pal meri hasti hai ...
13. Null pointers
Mera jeevan kora kagaz kora hi reh gaya.
14. Dangling pointers
Maut bhi aati nahi jaan bhi jati nahin.
15. GOTO
Ajeeb dastan hai yehKahan shuru kahan khatamYe manzilen hain kaun siNa woh samajh sake na hum

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Wednesday, July 19, 2006

A lady approaches a priest and tells him, "Father, I have a problem.I have these two talking female parrots, but they only know how tosay one thing. They keep saying "Hi, we're prostitutes. Do you want to have some fun?"

"That's terrible!" the priest exclaimed. "But I do have a solutionto your problem. Bring your two parrots over to my house and I willput them with my two male talking parrots whom I have taught to pray and read the bible. My parrots will then teach your parrots to stopsaying that terrible phrase, and your female parrots will learn topray and worship."So the next day, the lady brings her female parrots to the priest's house.The priest's two male parrots are holding rosary beads and prayingin their cage. The lady puts her female talking parrots in with themale talking parrots, and the female parrots say,

"Hi, we're prostitutes! Do you want to have some fun?"One male parrot looks over at the other male parrot and screams,"Put your Bible away Frank, our prayers have been answered!!!!!!!"

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Saturday, July 15, 2006

IAS interview..

IAS i.e. UPSC Exam 1998 Interview Question and the Answers given by candidates
..........oh sorry!! IAS Officers now

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! (UPSC Topper)

Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
A. No time at all it is already built. (UPSC 23 Rank Opted for IFS)

Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have?
A. Very large hands.(Good one) (UPSC 11 Rank Opted for IPS)

Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
A. It is not a problem, since you will never find an elephant with one hand.(UPSC Rank 14 Opted for IES)

Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep?
A. No Probs, He sleeps at night. (UPSC IAS Rank 98)

Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. (UPSC IAS Rank 2)

Q. What looks like half apple?
A: The other half. (UPSC - IAS Topper)

Q. What can you never eat for breakfast?
A: Dinner.

Q. What happened when wheel was invented?
A: It caused a revolution.

Q. Bay of Bengal is in which state?
A: Liquid (UPSC 33Rank)

Q: what is the opposite of Nag panchmi?
A: Nag did not punch me

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Mail From.....

A man checked into a hotel.

There was a computer in his room,So he decided to send an e-mail to his wife.

However, he accidentally typed the wrong e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from herhusband's funeral.

The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages from relatives and friends.After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and sawthe computer screen which read:================
To :
My Loving Wife

Subject : I've Reached

Date : 16 May 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me.They have computers here now, and you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones.I've just reached and have been checked in.I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow.Looking forward to seeing you then!

Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was.
love, Alex

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Sardar Jokes...

1. Sardar comes back 2 his car & finds a note saying "Parking Fine" He writes a note and sticks it 2 pole "Thanks 4 d complement"

2 .How do you recognize a Sardar in School? He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases the board.

3. Once a Sardar was walking and had a glove on one hand and not on other so the man asked him why did he do so? He replied that the weather forecast announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would be hot.

4. Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend. He reached there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him "Arre Puttar, ki hoya?" The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaat hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

5. Teacher: Can you tell me something about Raja Ram Mohan Roy? Saradji: They were 4 best friends..!

6. Sardar to Shopkeeper: - Mujhe India Ka Flag Dikhao, Shopkeeper ne Flag Dikhaya, Sardar: - Isme aur Colour Dikhao.

7. How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.

8. Sardar : Sitting on The Top of the Mountain and Studying.... When a Person asked what he was doing.... He replied... Oye!! Higher Studies Yaar...!!!

9. Sardar with a new mobile called everyone from his Phone Book & said "My MobileNo. has changed Earlier it was Nokia 3310 Now it is 6610"

10. Sardar falls in Love with Nurse. He writes a Love letter to her, " I LOVE U SISTER."

11. What is Common between: Krishna , Ram, Gandhi ji & Jesus..? Sardar ji Replied: All are born on Government Holidays.

12. Santa : That Cow is a Lovely Colour , Farmer : Yes, it's a Jersey Santa: Oh, I thought it was its Skin...!!!

14. Sardar Son: O God! Please make New York the capital of Punjab Sardar: Why are you praying for that? Sardar Son: That is what I have written in my exam.

15. Actress: What? Should I jump 2 swimming pool from 100 ft height? Sorry I dont know swimming.... Sardar Director: Dont worry there is no water...

16.A clever Sardar!! Intervier: 'Imagine ur locked in a room & a fire starts. How would u escape?' Sardarji 'Simple, yaar, ' I would stop imagining.'

17. Ultimate answer while changing a job: Interviewer- Why did u leave your last job? Santa: Coz the company shifted the office and didnt tell me where.

18.Sardarji bought a brand new Maruti and decided to drive down from
Amritsar , where he lived, to Jalandar to meet his friend
. He reached
there in a few hours. After spending a few days there, he decided to
return, and called up his mother to expect him in the evening. But he
didn't reach in the evening and not the next day either. When he finally
reached home on the third day, his distraught mother ran and asked him "
Arre Puttar, ki hoya?"
The Sardarji got out, obviously very tired from a long journey, and said,
"Oy, ye Marutti wale pagal hain, agge jaane waaste chaar gear banaate
hain, aur pichche jaane waaste sirf ik?"

19.
How can a Sardar Kill a Lion? Sardarji thinks N thinks hard & comes to
a conclusion: I'll drink poison n let lion eat me. O' bolo ta ra ra.



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DAFFY DEFINITIONS

Absent Minded Person:
One who stands in front of the mirror for hours trying to remember where he had seen the person before.
Lecture:
An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"
Opportunists:
One who starts having a bath when he/she accidentally falls in a river.
Compromise:
The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Love affairs:
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test.
Tears:
The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.
Dictionary:
A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Conference Room:
A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.
Politician:
One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence afterwards.
Life:
Is a cigarette which begins with flashes but ends with ashes.
Diplomat:
A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.
Committee:
A group of persons who individually can decide nothing but jointly can decide that nothing can be done.

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Friday, July 14, 2006

Message of the Day.....

Arrow goes forward only after pulling in to backward.
Bullet goes forward only after pressing the Trigger backward.
Such that.
Every human being will get happy only after facing the difficulties in their life path..
So don't be afraid! to face your difficulties. They will push you forward.

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27 August, 2006 - Two moons will be visible.

Planet Mars will be the brightest in the night sky starting August. It will look as large as the full moon to the naked eye. This will ultimate on Aug. 27 when Mars comes within 34.65M miles of Earth.

Be sure to watch the sky on Aug. 27 12:30 am . It will look like The Earth has 2 Moons. Don't Miss it.

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Thursday, July 13, 2006

Never fight during a fight..!

“Why can’t we overlook others’ weaknesses ? “ Don’t we overlook our own limitations ? Of course we do ! All of us repeatedly commit mistakes – same mistakes, and all of us expect others to be tolerant towards our negatives. Then why can’t we be tolerant towards others’ negatives, especially those we love so much ?

Misunderstandings do arise in every relationship. There are moments when our patience is tested. When the heart dominates the mind we become emotional. During such moments, silence is the best weapon to end the battle of words. Both the parties may be right in their own way but our improper communication in a delicate situation makes it difficult for the other to accept our thinking or understand our feelings. Discuss any issue much after the issue is over, never when the issue is on.

The proper time to discuss the differences of opinion is a neutral time – a time when the mind is stable and open to inputs from outside. This is a time without conflicts; a time when the mind is able to discriminate between what is right and what is wrong. Neutral time is when it is not the heart that is ruling the mind but it is the intellect that is in control of the emotions. It is a time when we are more concerned about what is right rather than who is right.

IN A NUTSHELL Relationships are to be treasured, not to be destroyed. Let us save our relationships for a lifetime by holding silence during a fight and communicating during neutral times.

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Never Lick envelops

A woman was working in a post office in California.

One day she licked the envelopes and postage stamps instead of using a sponge. That very day the lady found a cut on her tongue. A week later, she noticed an abnormal swelling of her tongue. She went to the doctor, and they found nothing wrong. Her tongue was not sore or anything. A couple of days later, her tongue started to swell more, and it began to get really sore, so sore, that she could not eat. She went back to the hospital, and demanded something be done. The doctor took an x-ray of her tongue and noticed a lump. He prepared her for minor surgery. When the doctor cut her tongue open, a live cockroach crawled out!!!!

There were cockroach eggs on the seal of the envelope. The egg was able to hatch inside of her tongue, because of her saliva. It was warm and moist...

This is a true story reported on CNN

Andy Hume wrote:

Hey, I used to work in an envelope factory. You wouldn't believethe....things that float around in those gum applicator trays. Ihaven't licked an envelope for years!" I used to work for a print shop(32 years ago) and we were told NEVER to lick the envelopes. I never understood why until I had to go into storage and pull out 2500 envelopes that were already printed and saw several squads of cockroaches roaming around inside a couple of boxes with eggs everywhere. They eat the glue on the envelopes.

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Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A letter from Bombay (Salaam Bombay)

Dear Terrorist,

Even if you are not reading this we don't care. Time and again you triedto disturb us and disrupt our life - killing innocent civilians byplanting bombs in trains, buses and cars. You have tried hard to bringdeath and destruction, cause panic and fear and create communaldisharmony but everytime you were disgustingly unsuccessful. Do you knowhow we pass our life in Mumbai? How much it takes for us to earn thatsingle rupee? If you wanted to give us a shock then we are sorry to saythat you failed miserably in your ulterior motives. Better lookelsewere, not here.We are not Hindus and Muslims or Gujaratis and Marathis or Punjabis andBengaliies. Nor do we distinguish ourselves as owners or workers, govt.employees or private employees.

WE ARE MUMBAIKERS (Bombay-ites, if youlike). We will not allow you to disrupt our life like this. On the lastfew occassions when you struck (including the 7 deadly blasts in asingle day killing over 250 people and injuring 500+ in 1993), we wentto work next day in full strength. This time we cleared everythingwithin a few hours and were back to normal - the vendors placing theirnext order, businessmen finalizing the next deals and the office workersrushing to catch the next train. (Yes the same train you targetted)

Fathom this: Within 3 hours of the blasts, long queues of blood donatingvolunteers were seen outside various hospital, where most of the injuredwere admitted. By 12 midnight, the hospital had to issue a notificationthat blood banks were full and they didn't require any more blood. Thenext day, attendance at schools and office was close to 100%, trains &buses were packed to the brim, the crowds were back.The city has simply dusted itself off and moved one - perhaps withgreater vigour.We are Mumbaikers and we live like brothers in times like this. So, donot dare to threaten us with your crackers.

The spirit of Mumbai is verystrong and can not be harmed.

With Love & From the people of Mumbai (Bombay)

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Sardar Jokes....

Sardar was travelling in train!
A woman sat on his sons berth and didnt get up.
Sardar shouted:
THIS LADY IS NOT GIVING BITH TO MY CHILD........

10 SARDARS AND A GIRL WERE HANGING BELOW A HELICOPTOR ON A RESCUE ROPE.
pILOT-oNE MUST LEAVE BCOS OF OVERLOAD....
GIRL-I'LL SACRIFICE....
ALL SARDARS STARTED CLAPPING........

Women leave a better, longer and lead peaceful life...Why...??
Sardar has answer 4 it...
oye very simple...
yaar....
Women dont have a wife...Dat is y.......

Interviewer: Give me the opposite words,
Sardar: o.k.
Interviewer: Made in India,
Sardar, Destroyed in Pakistan,
Interviewer: Good keep it up.
Sardar: Bad put it down.
Int.: maximum
Sardar: Minidad
Int: Enough, take your seat,
Sardar: Insufficient, give my seat...'
Int; Idiot
Sardar: Clever
Int: I say u get out!
Sardar: You didnt say i come in.
Int: I have rejected u
Sardar: u have appointed me..
Int. Poda..
Sardar: Vada...

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Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Story_Hearing Problem

A man feared his wife wasn't hearing as well as she used to and he thought she might need a hearing aid. Not quite sure how to approach her, he called the family Doctor to discuss the problem. The Doctor told him there is a simple informal test the husband could perform to give the Doctor a better idea about her hearing loss. Here's what you do," said the Doctor, "stand about 40 feet away from her, and in a normal conversational speaking tone see if she hears you. If not, go to 30 feet, then 20 feet, and s o on until you get a response."That evening, the wife is in the kitchen cooking dinner, and he was in the den. He says to himself, "I'm about 40 feet away, let's see what happens." then in a normal tone he asks, 'Honey, what's for dinner?" No response. So the husband moves to closer to the kitchen, about 30 feet from his wife and repeats, "Honey, what's for dinner?" Still no response. Next he moves into the dining room where he is about 20 feet from his wife and asks, Honey, what's for dinner?" Again he gets no response so; He walks up to the kitchen door, about 10 feet away. "Honey, what's for dinner?" Again there is no response. So he walks right up behind her. "Honey, what's for dinner?" ;;;;"James, for the FIFTH time I've said, CHICKEN!"

Moral of the story: The problem may not be with the other one as we always think, could be very much within us..!

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PURE HINDI !!!!!

TABLE TENNIS : Lakdi ke phalak shetra pe le takaatak de takaatak
LAWN TENNIS : Harit Ghaas par le tada tad, de tada tad
LIGHT BULB : Vidyut Prakashak Kanch golak
TIE : Kanth Langoti
MATCH BOX : Ragdampatti Agni Utpaadan Peti
TRAFFIC SIGNAL : Aavat Jaavat Suchak Jhandaa
TEA : Dugdh Jal Mishrit Sharkara Yukt Parvatiya(pahaadi) Booti
TRAIN : Sahasra Chakra Louh Path Gaamini
ALL ROUTE PASS : Yatr Tatr Sarvatr Gaman Aagya Patr
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Loh Path Gamini Suchak Yantra
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Agni Rath Aava Gaman Soochak Pattika
RAILWAY SIGNAL : Louh path gaamini aawagaman suchak yantra
RAILWAY STATION : Bhabhka Adda
BUTTON : Ast Vyast Vastra Niyantrak
MOSQUITO : Gunjanhaari Manav Rakt Pipasu Jeev
CIGARETTE : Shweta patra mandit dhumra shalakha
CRICKET : Gol guttam lakad battam de danadan pratiyogita
CRICKET TEST MATCH : Pakad dandu, maar mandu, de danaadan pratiyogita

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Beware of 2 way mirrors in hotels, changing rooms

HAVE YOU SEEN RECENT ADVERTISEMENT OF M/S SAINT GOBAIN GLASSES SHOWN IN TELEVISION? - THEN YOU MUST HAVE KNOWN ABOUT 2 WAY MIRROR & IS ALSO SHOWN IN HINDI MOVIE HAMRAZ)

HOW TO DETERMINE IF A MIRROR IS 2 WAY OR NOT (NOT A JOKE!)

MANY OF THE HOTELS AND TEXTILE SHOWROOMS CHEAT THE CUSTOMERS THIS WAY AND WATCH PRIVATELY.THER HAVE BEEN MANY CASES OF PEOPLE INSTALLING 2-WAY MIRRORS IN FEMALE CHANGING ROOMS OR BATHROOMS OR BEDROOMS.

CONDUCT THIS SIMPLE TEST:PLACE THE TIP OF YOUR FINGERNAIL AGAINST THE REFLECTIVE SURFACE AND IF THERE IS A GAP BETWEEN YOUR FINGERNAIL AND THE IMAGE OF THE NAIL, THEN IT IS GENUINE. -

HOWEVER, IF YOUR FINGERNAIL DIRECTLY TOUCHES THE IMAGE OF YOUR NAIL, THEN BEWARE, IT IS A 2-WAY MIRROR! (THERE IS SOMEONE SEEING YOU FROM THE OTHER SIDE).

THE REASON THERE IS A GAP ON A REAL MIRROR, IS BECAUSE THE SILVER IS ON THE BACK OF THE MIRROR UND! ER THE GLASS. WHEREAS WITH A 2-WAY MIRROR, THE SILVER IS ON THE SURFACE.

MAKE SURE AND CHECK EVERY TIME YOU ENTER IN HOTEL ROOMS. MAY BE SOMEONE IS MAKING A FILM ON YOU.

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Friday, July 07, 2006

10th Grade
As I sat there in English class, I stared at the girl next to me.She was my so-called "best friend". I stared at her long, silky hair. I wished she were mine, but she didn't notice me like that.And I knew it. After class she walked up to me and asked me for the notes she had missed the day before, and I handed them to her.She said "thanks" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I wanted to tell her. I wanted her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.
11th Grade
The phone rang. It was her on the other end. She was in tears, mumbling on and on about how her love had broke her heart. She asked me to come over because she didn't want to be alone, so I did. As I sat next to her on the sofa, I stared at her soft eyes, wishing she was mine. After 2 hours, a Drew Barrymore movie, and three bags of chips, she decided to go to sleep. She looked at me, said "thanks," and gave me a kiss on the cheek.I wantto tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends.I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why.
12th Grade
The day before prom she walked to my locker. "My date is sick,"she said. He's not going to go. Well,I didn't have a date and in7thgrade we made a promise that if neither of us haddates we would go together just as "best friends," so we did. Prom night after everything was over I was standing at her front door step. I stared at her. She smiled at me and stared at me with her crystal eyes. I want her to be mine, but she doesn't think of me like that, and I know it. Then she said, "I had the best time, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek. I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...
Graduation Day
A day passed. A week passed. A month passed. Before I could blink, it was graduation diploma. I wanted her to be mine, but she didn't notice me like that, and I knew it. Before everyone went home, she came to me in her smock and hat, and she cried as I hugged her. Then, she lifted her head from my shoulder and said, You're my best friend, thanks!" and gave me a kiss on the cheek.I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't wantto be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't knowwhy
Marriage Day
A Few Years Later Now, I sit in the pews of the church. She is getting married, now. I watched her say, "I do" and drive off to her new life, married to another man. I wanted her to be mine but she didn't see me like that, and I knew it. But before she drove away, she came to me and said, "You came!" She said, "thanks!" and kissed me on the cheek.I want to tell her. I want her to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love her, but I'm just too shy. And I don't know why...
Funeral yrs passed,
and I looked down at the coffin of the girl who used to be my best friend." At the service they read a diary entry shehad wrote in her high school years.This is what it read:I stare at him wishing he were mine. But he doesn't notice me like that, and I know it. I want to tell him. I want him to know that I don't want to be just friends. I love him,but I'm just too shy, and I don't know why. I wish he would tell me he loved me.

I wish I did too…I thought to myself, and I cried.

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Story of IT Developer...

Five cannibals (Man eaters) get appointed as programmers in an IT company.

During the welcoming ceremony the boss says: "You're all part of our team now. You can earn good money here, and you can go to the company canteen for something to eat. So don't trouble the other employees".

The cannibals promise not to trouble the other employees. Four weeks later the boss returns and says: "You're all working very hard, and I'm very satisfied with all of you. One of our developers has disappeared however. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals disown all knowledge of the missing developer. After the boss has left, the leader of the cannibals says to the others: "Which of you idiots ate the developer?"

One of the cannibals raises his hand hesitantly, to which the leader of the cannibals says: "You FOOL! For four weeks we've been eating executive managers, and project managers and no-one has noticed anything, and now YOU ate one developer and it got noticed.

So hereafter please don't eat a person who is working."
________________________________________________________

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How to get work done.....

Hero: Hey...GM (Good Morning)... How's u doing today?
Female: VGM...Day is going good and it got better having found u onchat
Hero: wow...am honoured, u know what, my day starts only when I findyou Chat
Female: Yep...me too feel the same...Brb (be right back)'ll get some Coffee.
Hero: OK.Hero waits impatiently. Meanwhile, his manager comes to his seat.)
Manager: Hey, I need some help from youHero: [**** This guy always comes at wrong time] Yeah tell me
Manager: Could u write a program for me which generates nth prime number, Given value of n. Would you give this by today evening?
Hero: I would do that, but I think it's quite hard, is it ok with you, if I Give it by tomorrow evening.
Manager: Yeah, that would be fine. Thank you [Leaves the place](Our hero sighs and stares at his monitor waiting impatiently for Female to Arrive. All of a sudden smiles on his face. Over to chatwindow...)
Female: Hey, am backHero: cool, you know what my manager does, She's kinda..... keeps asking stupid Things, tries to give me stupid work
Female: Yeah, it's the same everywhere. Real sick ppl these managers are!!
Hero: Yep, u rite!!
Female: Hey, can u do me a favor
Hero: smiles sure, why not.
Female: Hey, I want you to write me a program to print nth prime Number, given N. Would you give that to me by tomorrow evening? Plzzz. You know it's real Urgent for me to work
Hero: hey, that's a one-hour's work. Sure check Ur mail in an hour from now. ok?
Female: THIS IS WHAT I ASKED U WHEN I CAME TO YOUR WORK PLACE. NOW YOU KNOW WHO I AM!! AND ONE MORE POINT.... YOUR 1 HOUR TIME STARTS NOW!

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Power of Words......

One day a teacher asked her students to list the names of the other students in the room on two sheets of paper, leaving a space between each name.

Then she told them to think of the nicest thing they could say about each of their classmates and write it down.

It took the remainder of the class period to finish their assignment, and as the students left the room, each one handed in the papers.

That Saturday, the teacher wrote down the name of each student on a separate sheet of paper, and listed what everyone else had said about that individual.

On Monday she gave each student his or her list. Before long, the entire class was smiling. "Really?" she heard whispered. "I never knew that I meant anything to anyone!" and, "I didn't know others liked me so much." were most of the comments.

No one ever mentioned those papers in class again. She never knew if they discussed them after class or with their parents, but it didn't matter. The exercise had accomplished its purpose. The students were happy with themselves and one another. That group of students moved on.

Several years later, one of the students was killed in Viet Nam and his teacher attended the funeral of that special student. She had never seen a serviceman in a military coffin before. He looked so handsome, so mature. The church was packed with his friends.

One by one those who loved him took a last walk by the coffin. The teacher was the last one to bless the coffin. As she stood there, one of the soldiers who acted as pallbearer came up to her. "Were you Mark's math teacher?" he asked.

She nodded: "yes." Then he said: "Mark talked about you a lot." After the funeral, most of Mark's former classmates went together to a luncheon. Mark's mother and father were there, obviously waiting to speak with his teacher.

"We want to show you something," his father said, taking a wallet out of his pocket. "They found this on Mark when he was killed. We thought you might recognize it."

Opening the billfold, he carefully removed two worn pieces of notebook paper that had obviously been taped, folded and refolded many times. The teacher knew without looking that the papers were the ones on which she had listed all the good things each of Mark's classmates had said about him.

"Thank you so much for doing that," Mark's mother said. "As you can see, Mark treasured it." All of Mark's former classmates started to gather around.

Charlie smiled rather sheepishly and said, "I still have my list. It's in the top drawer of my desk at home."

Chuck's wife said, "Chuck asked me to put his in our wedding album." "I have mine too,"

Marilyn said. "It's in my diary." Then Vicki, another classmate, reached into her pocketbook, took out her wallet and showed her worn and frazzled list to the group "I carry this with me at all times,"

Vicki said and without batting an eyelash, she continued: "I think we all saved our lists." That's when the teacher finally sat down and cried. She cried for Mark and for all his friends who would never see him again.

The density of people in society is so thick that we forget that life will end one day. And we don't know when that one day will be. So please, tell the people you love and care for, that they are special and important. Tell them, before it is too late.

May Your Day Be As Blessed As You Are Special

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Replies by Programmers to Testers

Top 20 replies by Programmers to Testers when their programs don't work:

20. "That's weird..."
19. "It's never done that before."
18. "It worked yesterday."
17. "How is that possible?"
16. "It must be a hardware problem."
15. "What did you type in wrong to get it to crash?"
14. "There is something funky in your data."
13. "I haven't touched that module in weeks!"
12. "You must have the wrong version."
11. "It's just some unlucky coincidence."
10. "I can't test everything!"
9. "THIS can't be the source of THAT."
8. "It works, but it hasn't been tested."
7. "Somebody must have changed my code."
6. "Did you check for a virus on your system?"
5. "Even though it doesn't work, how does it feel?
4. "You can't use that version on your system."
3. "Why do you want to do it that way?"
2. "Where were you when the program blew up?"
1. And the Number One Reply by Programmers when their programs don't
work:

Guess.............

Guess.............

Come on, even u say it .

Guess.............


It works on my machine

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Firing & Secured IT companies in India......

Top most Firing IT companies in India

1) Polaris --- Most dangerous place to work. Employees will not loose their jobs but they loose their personal life. Employee has to be slave in the company only. They have to forget their family. No Saturday and Sunday. It will be difficult to get the leaves. Appraisal is linked with the request for leaves. Employee harassment is more. One has to be careful while taking tea or coffee in the office because cockroaches will be there. Lot of sleep-less nights need to be spend in the office. Attrition rate is very high.

2) IBM --- Right now this is the most firing and dangerous company for IT professionals. From the last 6 months, this company fired nearly 20% of their employees because of BG check and performance issues. This is most unsecured company from IT professionals point of view. They didn't have any strategic plans at HR policies regarding employee security.

3) Accenture --- This is second top most firing company. This company was also have good firing rate like 15%. This is basically depends upon outsourcing, so there is no job security for an employee in this company.

4) Intel --- Recently they started firing of the employees.

5) CTS --- Always having firing policies (checking the Educational background and previous employment and also employee performance in work)

6) CSE --- Basically not a firing, but be careful about Back ground.

7) Satyam --- Basing upon their projects requirement they used to fire the people. Currently they stopped firing. Attrition rate is very high.

8) Patni ---- They fired so many employees, currently they are in very much deficiency with the employees. Attrition rate is very high in this company.So take care before accepting offers from these companies.

Secured IT companies in India

1) Microsoft --- Has project till 2050.

2) EDS --- Most secured company in India. Not laid off any of its employees even during 2001. Have lots of projects in Defense and financial areas

3) HP --- Dream Company. In-house and outside projects

4) TCS --- A govt. IT Company. Secured.

5) WIPRO --- Doing good as ever. Lots of project. Recently acquired GM project.So doing better.

6) HCL -- A good company to be in. Also called as a retirement company.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

Managing people -WHY EMPLOYEES LEAVE ORGANISATIONS ? - Azim Premji, Wipro

Every company faces the problem of people leaving the company for better pay or profile.
Early this year, Arun, a senior software designer, got an offer from a prestigious international firm to work in its India operations developing specialized software. He was thrilled by the offer.
He had heard a lot about the CEO. The salary was great. The company had all the right systems in place employee-friendly human resources (HR) policies, a spanking new office,and the very best technology,even a canteen that served superb food.
Twice Arun was sent abroad for training. "My learning curve is the sharpest it's ever been," he said soon after he joined.
Last week, less than eight months after he joined, Arun walked out of the job.
Why did this talented employee leave ?
Arun quit for the same reason that drives many good people away.
The answer lies in one of the largest studies undertaken by the Gallup Organization. The study surveyed over a million employees and 80,000 managers and was published in a book called "First Break All The Rules". It came up with this surprising finding:
If you're losing good people, look to their immediate boss.Immediate boss is the reason people stay and thrive in an organization. And he 's the reason why people leave. When people leave they take knowledge,experience and contacts with them, straight to the competition.
"People leave managers not companies," write the authors Marcus Buckingham and Curt Coffman.
Mostly manager drives people away?
HR experts say that of all the abuses, employees find humiliation the most intolerable. The first time, an employee may not leave,but a thought has been planted. The second time, that thought gets strengthened. The third time, he looks for another job.
When people cannot retort openly in anger, they do so by passive aggression. By digging their heels in and slowing down. By doing only what they are told to do and no more. By omitting to give the boss crucial information. Dev says: "If you work for a jerk, you basically want to get him into trouble. You don 't have your heart and soul in the job."
Different managers can stress out employees in different ways - by being too controlling, too suspicious,too pushy, too critical, but they forget that workers are not fixed assets, they are free agents. When this goes on too long, an employee will quit - often over a trivial issue.
Talented men leave. Dead wood does'nt.
" Jack Welch of GE once said. A company's value lies "between the ears of its employees".

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Different Styles.....

Chandrababuism: You have two cows in Vijayawada. You hook them to internet and milk them from Hyderabad.

Jayalalithaism: You have two cows. You teach them to cry,"Ammaaaaaaa..." and fall at your feet.

Karunanidhiism: You have two cows. You give one to your son and the other to your nephew.

Gandhism You have two cows. But you drink goat's milk.

Indiraism: You have two bulls. You adamantly consider them as cows.

Lalooism : You have two cows. You buy Rs. 900 Crore worth of cattlefeed for them. Rajnikantism You have two cows. You throw them into air and catch their milk in your mouth. Rajivism You have two cows. You paint them both to get colourful milk.

Softwarism:(Ultimate....) Client has 2 cows and u need to milk them
1 . First prepare a document when to milk them (Project kick off)
2 . Prepare a document how long you have to milk them (Project plan)
3 . Then prepare how to milk them (Design)
4 . Then prepare what other accessories are needed to milk them (Framework)
5 . Then prepare a 2 dummy cows (sort of toy cows) and show to client the way in which u will milk them (UI Mockups & POC)
6 . If client is not satisfied then redo from step 2
7 . You actually start milking them and find that there are few problem with accessories. (Change framework)
8 . Redo step 4
9 . At last milk them and send it to onsite. (Coding over)
10. Make sure that cow milks properly ( Testing)
11. Onsite reports that it is not milking there.
12. You break your head and find that onsite is trying to milk from bulls
13. At last onsite milk them and send to client (Testing)
14. Client says the quality of milk is not good. (User Acceptance Test)
15. Offsite then slogs and improves the quality of milk
16. Now the client says that the quality is good but its milking at slow rate (performance issue) 17. Again you slog and send it with good performance.
18. Client is happy. By this time both the COWs aged and cant milk. (The software got old and get ready for next release repeat from step 1) !!!!!

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Indian Blood Donars

There is a site < http://www.indianblooddonors.com/> where in you can search for a particular blood group. You will get hundreds of donor addresses within your city. Please pass this on to everybody you know. We never know when an emergency will knock our life. It's about SAVING a Life.

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5 lessons to keep you thinking ....

1 - First Important Lesson -

Cleaning Lady.

During my second month of college, our professor gave us a pop quiz. I was a conscientious student and had breezed through the questions until I read the last one:

"What is the first name of the woman who cleans the school?"

Surely this was some kind of joke. I had seen the cleaning woman several times. She was tall, dark-haired and in her 50s, but how would I know her name?

I handed in my paper, leaving the last question blank. Just before class ended, one student asked if the last question would count toward our quiz grade.

"Absolutely," said the professor. "In your careers, you will meet many people. All are significant. They deserve your attention and care, even if all you do is smile and say "hello."

I've never forgotten that lesson. I also learned her name was Dorothy.

2. - Second Important Lesson -

Pickup in the Rain One night, at 11:30 p.m., an older African American woman was standing on the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rainstorm. Her car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she decided to flag down the next car.

A young white man stopped to help her, generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to safety, helped her get assistance, and put her into a taxicab. She seemed to be in a big hurry, but wrote down his address and thanked him.

Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a giant console color TV was delivered to his home. A special note was attached.. It read: "Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The rain drenched not only my clothes, but also my spirits. Then you came along. Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just before he passed away... God bless you for helping me and unselfishly serving others."

Sincerely, Mrs. Nat King Cole.

3 - Third Important Lesson -

Everyone is equal.

In the days when an ice cream sundae cost much less, a 10-year-old boy entered a hotel coffee shop and sat at a table. A waitress put a glass of water in front of him. "How much is an ice cream sundae?" he asked. "Fifty cents," replied the waitress.

The little boy pulled his hand out of his pocket and studied the coins in it. "Well, how much is a plain dish of ice cream?" he inquired. By now more people were waiting for a table and the waitress was growing impatient.

"Thirty-five cents," she brusquely replied.

The little boy again counted his coins. "I'll have the plain ice cream," he said.

The waitress brought the ice cream, put the bill on the table and walked away. The boy finished the ice cream, paid the cashier and left. When the waitress came back, she began to cry as she wiped down the table.

There, placed neatly beside the empty dish, were two nickels and five pennies.. You see, he couldn't have the sundae, because he had to have enough left to leave her a tip.

4 - Fourth Important Lesson. -

The obstacle in Our Path.

In ancient times, a King had a boulder placed on a roadway. Then he hid himself and watched to see if anyone would remove the huge rock.

Some of the king's wealthiest merchants and courtiers came by and simply walked around it. Many loudly blamed the King for not keeping the roads clear, but none did anything about getting the stone out of the way.

Then a peasant came along carrying a load of vegetables. Upon approaching the boulder, the peasant laid down his burden and tried to move the stone to the side of the road. After much pushing and straining, he finally succeeded.

After the peasant picked up his load of vegetables, he noticed a purse lying in the road where the boulder had been. The purse contained many gold coins and a note from the King indicating that the gold was for the person who removed the boulder from the roadway.

The peasant learned what many of us never understand! Every obstacle presents an opportunity to improve our condition.

5 - Fifth Important Lesson -

Giving When it Counts...

Many years ago, when I worked as a volunteer at a hospital, I got to know a little girl named Liz who was suffering from a rare & serious disease. Her only chance of recovery appeared to be a blood transfusion from her 5-year old brother, who had miraculously survived the same disease and had developed the antibodies needed to combat theillness.

The doctor explained the situation to her little brother, and asked the little boy if he would be willing to give his blood to his sister. I saw him hesitate for only a moment before taking a deep breath and saying, "Yes I'll do it if it will save her."

As the transfusion progressed, he lay in bed next to his sister and smiled, as we all did, seeing the color returning to her cheek. Then his face grew pale and his smile faded. He looked up at the doctor and asked with a trembling voice, "Will I start to die right away".

Being young, the little boy had misunderstood the doctor; he thought he was going to have to give his sister all of his blood in order to save her.

His unselfish act moved the staff into tears at the hospital.

Most importantly.................. "Work like you don't need the money, love like you've never been hurt, and dance like you do when nobody's watching. I believe you will know what I am trying to put across." ...

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Tuesday, July 04, 2006

A Salty Love Story.........

He met her on a party. She was so outstanding, many guys chasing after her, while he was so normal, nobody paid attention to him. At the end of the party, he invited her to have coffee with him, she was surprised, but due to being polite, she promised. They sat in a nice coffee shop, he was too nervous to say anything, she felt uncomfortable, she thought, please, let me go home.. Suddenly he asked the waiter:

" Would you please give me some salt? I'd like to put it in my coffee."

Everybody stared at him, so strange! His face turned red, but, still, he put the salt in his coffee and drank it.

She asked him curiously: why you have this hobby?

He replied: " when I was a little boy, I was living near the sea, I liked playing in the sea, I could feel the taste of the sea, just like the taste of the salty coffee. Now every time I have the salty coffee, I always think of my childhood, think of my hometown, I miss my hometown so much, I miss my parents who are still living there ".

While saying that tears filled his eyes. She was deeply touched.

That's his true feeling, from the bottom of his heart. A man who can tell out his homesickness, he must be a man who loves home, cares about home, has responsibility of home.. Then she also started to speak, spoke about her faraway hometown, her childhood, her family. That was a really nice talk, also a beautiful beginning of their story. They continued to date. She found that actually he was a man who meets all her demands; he had tolerance, was kind hearted, warm, careful. He was such a good person but she almost missed him!

Thanks to his salty coffee! Then the story was just like every beautiful love story, the princess married to the prince, then they were living the happy life... And, every time she made coffee for him, she put some salt in the coffee, as she knew that's the way he liked it.

fter 40 years, he passed away, left her a letter which said: " My dearest, please forgive me, forgive my whole life lie. This was the only lie I said to you---the salty coffee. Remember the first time we dated? I was so nervous at that time, actually I wanted some sugar, but I said salt It was hard for me to change so I just went ahead. I never thought that could be the start of our communication! I tried to tell you the truth many times in my life, but I was too afraid to do that, as I have promised not to lie to you for anything.

Now I'm dying, I afraid of nothing so I tell you the truth: I don't like the salty coffee, what a strange bad taste.. But I have had the salty coffee for my whole life! Since I knew you, I never feel sorry for anything I do for you. Having you with me is my biggest happiness for my whole life. If I can live for the second time, still want to know you and have you for my whole life, even though I have to drink the salty coffee again".

Her tears made the letter totally wet.

Someday, someone asked her: what's the taste of salty coffee? It's sweet. She replied.


Love is not 2 forget but 2 forgiveNot 2 c but 2 understandNot 2 hear but 2 listenNot 2 let go but HOLD ON !!!!

Monday, July 03, 2006

The Rock / P.U.S.H.

A man was sleeping at night in his cabin when suddenly his room filled with light and the Savior appeared. The Lord told the man he had work for him to do, and showed him a large rock in front of his cabin. The Lord explained that the man was to push against the rock with all his might. This the man did, day after day. For many years he toiled from sun up to sun down, his shoulders set squarely against the cold, massive surface of the unmoving rock, pushing with all his might. Each night the man returned to his cabin sore, and worn out, feeling that his whole day had been spent in vain.

Seeing that the man was showing signs of discouragement, the devil decided to enter the picture by placing thoughts into the man's weary mind "You have been pushing against that rock for a long time, and it hasn't budged. Why kill yourself over this? You are never going to move it." This gave the man the impression that the task was impossible and that he was a failure. These thoughts discouraged and disheartened the man. "Why kill myself over this?" he thought. "I'll just put in my time, giving just the minimum effort and that will be good enough." And that is what he planned to do until one day he decided to make it a matter of prayer and take his troubled thoughts to the Lord.

"Lord" he said, "I have labored long and hard in your service, putting all my strength to do that which you have asked. Yet, after all this time, I have not even budged that rock by half a millimeter. What is wrong? Why am I failing?"

The Lord responded compassionately, "My friend, when I asked you to serve me and you accepted, I told you that your task was to push against the rock with all your strength, which you have done. Never once did I mention to you that I expected you to move it. Your task was to push. And now you come to me, with your strength spent, thinking that you have failed. But, is that really so?

Look at yourself. Your arms are strong and muscled, your back sinewy and brown, your hands are callused from constant pressure, and your legs have become massive and hard. Through opposition you have grown much and your abilities now surpass that which you used to have. Yet you haven't moved the rock. But your calling was to be obedient and to push and to exercise your faith and trust in My wisdom. This you have done. I, my friend, will now move the rock."

At times, when we hear a word from God, we tend to use our own intellect to decipher what He wants, when actually what God wants is just simple obedience and faith in Him.... By all means, exercise the faith that moves mountains, but know that it is still God who moves the mountains. You just P.U.S.H.!

When everything seems to go wrong,... P.U.S.H.!

When the job gets you down,... P.U.S.H.!

When people don't react the way you think they should,... P.U.S.H.!

When your money is short and the bills are due,... P.U.S.H.!

When you want to curse them out for whatever the reason,... P.U.S.H.!

When people just don't understand you,... P.U.S.H.!

P.U.S.H. = Pray Until Something Happens!