Friday, March 31, 2006

Some Important Laws Which Newton Forgot to State

LAW OF QUEUE: If you change queues, the one you have left will startto move faster than the one you are in now.
LAW OF TELEPHONE: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged one.
LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR: After your hands become coated with grease,your nose will begin to itch.
LAW OF THE WORKSHOP: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the leastaccessible corner.
LAW OF THE ALIBI: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.
BATH THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.
LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you knowincreases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.
LAW OF THE RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machinewon't work, it will!LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inverselyproportional to the reach.THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.
LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, yourboss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee iscold.
--if ever you need a helping hand remember,that you will find one atthe end of your arm!!
-- Happiness is contagious.Start an epidemic today!!!

Apple Tree...........

A long time ago there was huge apple tree.A little boy loved to come and play around it everyday. He climbed to the tree top,, ate the apples,took a nap under the shadow. He loved the tree and tree loved to play with him. Time went by.... the little boy had grown up and no longer played around the tree everyday. One day the boy come back and he looked sad, "Come and play with me ," the tree asked the boy." I m no longer a kid.i dont want play around the trees anymore." The boy replied,"I want toys. i need money to buy them." the Tree replied,"""sorry i hv no money........BUT u can pick my apples and sell them and earn money for ur toys.
after few days the little boy come back .Tree was so excited. " come and play now.". The BOY replied,"i hv no time for play . i hv to work for my family. we need a house for shelter. can u help us?"
"Sorry i dont hv a house but u can cut my branches to build ur house". so the boy cut all the branches and tree left happily...........................................

the tree was so happy and glad to see that little boy happy but the little boy never come back since then..........................
one summer day he come back and asked he need a sail boat . Tree replied."use my truck for sail boat " the boy cut down truck of the tree and made a boat.
After so many years the boy returned . tree said" sorry my boy i hv no apples, no branches and no trusk for u now. i m at my last stage. BOY replied,"i dont need anything now . i just need rest in ur shadow. Tree happily provide him shadow of his DYING roots. the tree was glad and smiled this time also.................................
THIS IS STORY OF EVERYONE. the tree is our parentswhen we were young , we loved to play with mom n dad.when we grown up we left them..........only came to them when we need some thing. NO matter wht but parents are always be there and give us everything they could make u happy. you may think that little boy is cruel but thats how all of us are. pls pls send this mail to every ur friend so that to enlighten to love ur parent . HOPE IT means sumthing to u .
THANX

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Hi! Enjoy.....

ur smile can be compared to a flower
ur voice can be compared to a cuckoo
ur inocence to a child
but in stupidity
u have no comparison
u r the best.

True love is like a pillow
u can hug when u r in trouble
u can cry on when u r in pain
& u can embrace when u r happy
so when u need true loves
pend Rs.50/-Buy a pillow.

Dear Friend,when i ask u flower,
u give me bouquet
when i ask u a stone
u give me a statue
when i ask u a feather
u give me peacock
ARE U REALLY DEAF ?

I had VODKA with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had WHISKY with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I had RUM with WATER
I felt DRUNK
I SWEAR I'LL NEVER DRINK water....!!!

when i call u;
1 ring means i'm thinking of u;
2 ring means i like u;
3 means i miss u;
4 means .........pick d phone idiot

Teacher : four beautiful ladies r walking on the road.
Change it toexclamatory sentence ...
Student : WOW !

The human brain is most outstanding thing.......
it functions 24hrs 365 days.....
it functions right from the time u r Born....
until you fall in loveSMILE - is a language of love

SMILE - is a source to win hearts...
SMILE - creates greatness in ur personality
SO....Brush ur Teeth today onwards

A cigarette shortens your life by 2 min..
A beer shortens your life by 4 min..
A working day shortens your life by 8 hours!!!!..

History Teacher : From where to where did the mughals rule ?
Student : sir, i am not sure but think from page 15 to 26 sir....

Teacher : U failure ! @ ur age Bill gates stood first in the class
Student : Mind u, Sir, but @ ur age hitler commited suicide

Every man wants a wife who is beautiful, understanding, economical,and a good cook. But the law allows only one wife.

Story-Encourage Others...

A great note for all to read it will take just 37 seconds to read this and change your thinking
Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs. His bed was next to the room's only window. The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back. The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs, their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation.
Every afternoon when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his roommate all the things he could see outside the window.
The man in the other bed began to live for those one hour periods where his world would be broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color and a fine view of the city skyline could be seen in the distance.
As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.
One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by.
Although the other man couldn't hear the band - he could see it. In his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window portrayed it with descriptive words.
Days and weeks passed.
One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.
As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window. The nu rse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him alone.
Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the real world outside.
He strained to slowly turn to look out the window beside the bed.
It faced a blank wall. The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had described such wonderful things outside this window
The nurse responded that the man was blind and could not even see the wall.
She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."
Epilogue: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations. Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich, just count all the things you have that money can't buy.
"Today is a gift, that's why it is called the present."

Sardar Jokes............

American says "US mein shaadi E-mail se hoti hai.."Sardarji " Indiame to.. shaadi Fe-mail se hoti hai...!!!"
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Q. What do you call a fat lady waiting for a bus?A. Moti-vating..!!!============================================
Nurse - "Mubarak ho.. Sardarji.. aap papa ban gaye.."Sardarji - " Meri wife ko nahi bolna.. main usesurprise doonga..!"
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Dr Chopra psychotherapist wanted 'Sign board' to bepained in front ofhis clinic but our Sardar painter painted "Dr ChorpaPsycho TheRapist"
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What is the difference between WATCH & WIFE .........Ek bigadti hai to bandh ho jati hai......Doosari bigadati hai to "SHUROO' ho jati hai
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Ek sardar apne bete se bola : Bevakuf, kaisa machisleke aaya hai, ekbhi tili nahin jalti.Beta : Kya baat karte ho papa, sab tili test karkelaya hu.
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Man runs home yelling "Pack your bags honey. I justwon the 10 Millionlotto.Wife : Do I pack for the beach or mountains ?Man : Who cares ? Just pack and get lost !============================================
Doctor to Sardaar : App ka aur aapki biwi ka bloodgroup ek hi hai?Sardaar : Hoga, Jarur hoga; 25 saalse mera khoon jopee rahi hai....
============================================
Koun si devi ka kounsa prasad India mein famous hai....Rabridevi ka laloo prasad
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Once a Sardarji was going to his office.On the way he slipped on a banana peel and was badlyhurt. Next day ,on his way to the office, he noticed a banana peel andLater after twodays, he noticed two banana peels and exclaimed" arisala, aaj tochoice hai"!!!!!!============================================
A Sardar died and went to heaven. When he got to thepearly gate.Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect dueto the advancesin education on earth. In order to gain admittance aprospectiveheavenly soul must answer two questions:1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".2. How many seconds are there in a year?The Sardar thought for a few minutes and answered...1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" areToday and Tomorrow.2. There are 12 seconds in a year.Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today andTomorrow, even thoughit's not the answer I expected, so your answer iscorrect. But how didyou get only 12 seconds in a year?"The Sardar replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd,March 2nd, etc...."Saint Peter lets him in without another word
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A Sardar, his wife with son and daugher went to aparty.. heintroduced his family to his friends saying.." I amSardar.. and thisis Sardarnee ...this is my kid and that is mykidney...!!"
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Wednesday, March 29, 2006

Great Finishes......

Keep your office clean... stay home!!!
Be quiet in the office… …respect the fact that others sleep!
The IDEAL man does not smoke, does not drink, does not flirt, goes to bed early, in short . does not exist
Sometime my mind asks why I miss you? Why I care for you? Why I remember you? Then my heart answers it's simply because mental patient needs more care.
Like energy, love can neither be created nor destroyed. It can just be transferred from one girlfriend to another girl friend .

And the final one…Great people talk about ideas, average people talk about things, small people talk about others… But legends never talk, they FW: mails .

Someday.....(Poem)

Someday it will rain
and the clouds will come again
Someday I will float
In this desert with my boat

Someday I will Rise
And fly above the skies
I will reach the stars
And pluck them like the flowers

What if I cannot?
Shine the way I thought
I know that I won’t rust
for I am a diamond in the dust

These mountains steep and tall
will someday for me fall
And on the crumbled pieces of rock
I will find my way and walk

The horizons far behind
have touched my little mind
when these oceans someday dry
I will walk and touch the sky

BRILLIANT WAYS GIRLS TURN GUYS DOWN!!

HE: I'm a photographer I've been looking for a face like yours!
SHE: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours!!
HE: May I have the pleasure of this dance?
SHE: No, I'd like to have some pleasure too!!!
HE: How did you get to be so beautiful?
SHE: I must have been given your share!!!
HE: Will you come out with me this Saturday?
SHE: Sorry! I'm having a headache this weekend!!!
HE: Go on, don't be shy. Ask me out!
SHE: Okay, get out!!!
HE: I think I could make you very happy
SHE: Why? Are you leaving?
HE: What would you say if I asked u to marry me?
SHE: Nothing. I can't talk and laugh at the same time!!!
HE: Can I have your name?
SHE: Why, don't you already have one?
HE: Shall we go and see a film?
SHE: I've already seen it!!!
HE: Do you think it was fate that brought us together?
SHE: Nah, it was plain bad luck!!!
HE: Where have you been all my life?
SHE: Hiding from you.
HE: Haven't I seen you someplace before?
SHE: Yes, thats why I don't go there anymore.
HE: Is this seat empty?
SHE: Yes, and this one will be if you sit down.

Tuesday, March 28, 2006

Refreshing PJs.........

ek aadmi ki 6 ungliyan(6 fingers) hoti hain... sab log use "Hanuman" keh kar bulate hain... batao kyun???.....






....ans:kyounki uska nam hanuman hai! JJ


Whats the opposite of Real?? Its COCONUT....kya hua…. Confused??jara ....Socho...yaar ???opposite of real is 'Na-Real' . in English it is coconut JJ



i'll write a book an pjs and dedicate it to whom? our president....whyscroll down for answer...........................coz he is mr. a.P.J.abdul kalam


what is the vector form of sridevi???? JJJJ???????
(u must have studied vector algebra to know its answer)
ANS : - TABU!!!!confused???? why????....... ..............ok i'l tell you....... because....... sridevi did chandni and tabu did chandni bar!!!!!

What would Dharmendra say to Hema Malini if he wants to tell her to call him up...?:





Ring De Basanti :))


A dentist was examining a patient having a highly contageous deadlydisease....As soon he opens the patients mouth the disease gets transferred to thedoctor... how??

scroll...Because the patient had a bluetooth!!



wat is one word in english for kiye karaye par paani ferna??

flush!!


three cockroaches were going on the road, suddenly one of them started singing the song -- AASHIQ BANAYA AAPNE. Few mins later, all the three cockroaches died......any idea why?????



COZ the song is HIT......

Monkeys

A tourist walked into a pet shop and was looking at the animals on display.While he was there, another customer walked in and said to the shopkeeper,"I'll have a "C" monkey please." The shopkeeper nodded, went over to a cage at the side of the shop and took out a monkey. He fit a collar and leash, handed it to the customer, saying, "That'll be $5000." The customer paid and walked out with his monkey. Startled, the tourist went over to the shopkeeper and said, "That was a very expensive monkey. Why did it cost so much?" The shopkeeper answered, "Ah,that monkey can program in C - very fast, tight code, no bugs, well worth the money."The tourist looked at the monkey in another cage. "That one's even more expensive! $10,000! What does it do?" "Oh, that one's a C++ monkey; it can manage object-oriented programming, Visual C++, even some Java. All the really useful stuff," said the shopkeeper. The tourist looked around for a little longer and saw a third monkey in a cage of its own.The price tag around its neck read $50,000. He gasped to the shopkeeper,"That one costs more than all the other put together! What on earth does it do?" The shopkeeper replied, "Well, I haven't actually seen it do anything, but the other monkeys call him the project manager."
Teacher to Sardar " Where were U born?
Sardar : In Thiruvanantapuram.Teacher : Spell it? Sardar : (after thinking) I think I was born in GOA.
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Santa : People consider me as a "GOD" Banta : How do you know?? Santa : When I went to the Park today, everybody said, Oh GOD ! U have come again..
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Sardar complained 2 Police : Sir all items are missing, except the TV inmy house. Police : How the theif did not take TV??? Sardar : I was watching TV na....
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Thought for the Day!!! If you call your mother as MUM.. What will you call Mother's youngersis and elder sis?
Answer : MINIMUM & MAXIMUM
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Do you know the similarity between "Dinasaurs" & "Decent Girls" Answer: Both dont exist on earth !!!
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When do you congratulate someone for their Mistake? A
nswer : On their Wedding !!
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Whats the height of Intelligence?
Answer : A 99 year old Sardar going for HUTCH ka naya lifetime scheme

Monday, March 27, 2006

BRING YOUR UMBRELLA

One summer, a drought threatened the crop in a small town. On a hot and dry Sunday, the village parson told his congregation, "There isn't anything that will save us except to pray for rain. Go home, pray, believe, and come back next Sunday ready to thank God for sending rain." The people did as they were told and returned to church the followingSunday. But as soon as the parson saw them, he was furious. "We can't worship today. You do not yet believe," he said. "But," they protested, "we prayed, and we do believe." "Believe?" he responded. "Then where are your umbrellas?" The story applies to all of us. There are those people who leave their umbrellas at home. Throughout their lives, they are merely hoping their wishes and prayers will bear fruit, but they expect little. Others expect their dreams and desires to come to pass. It is as if they journey through life always prepared for something to happen. Today, how will you approach that which you are yearning for? Will you expect your prayers and work to bring about hoped-for results? Will you bring your umbrella?

Voted Women's Favorite Email of the Year

A man was sick and tired of going to work every day while his wifeStayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in
8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.
I want her to know what I go through, so pleaseAllow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man's wish. The nextMorning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.
He arose, cooked breakfast for his mate, awakened the kids,
Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,
Drove them to school, came home and picked upThe dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners
And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,
Then drove home to put away the groceries,
Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.
He cleaned the cat's litter box and bathed the dog.
Then it was already 1 P.M. And he hurried to make the beds,Do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument withThem on the way home.
Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,
Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.At 4:30 he began peeling potatoes and washing vegetables for salad,Breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, foldedLaundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhaustedAnd, though his daily chores weren't finished, he went to bed where he wasExpected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said,Lord,I don't know what I was thinking. I was so wrong to envy my wife's beingAble to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learnedYour lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.You'll just have to wait nine months, though. You got pregnant last night."
Voted Women's Favorite Email of the Year

Saturday, March 25, 2006

HEALTHY HEART

There was a chat, arranged by WIPRO for its employees, with Dr.Devi Shetty, Narayana Hrudayalaya (Heart Specialist).
The transcript of the chat is given below:
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What are the five thumb rules for a layman to take care of his heart?
Dr Devi Shetty:
1. Diet - Less of carbohydrate, more of protein, less oil
2. Exercise - Half an hour's walk, at least five days a week; avoid lifts and avoid sitting for a longtime
3. Quit smoking
4. Control weight
5. Control blood pressure and sugar
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Is eating non-veg food (fish) good for the heart?
Dr Devi Shetty: No --------
It's still a grave shock to hear that some apparently healthy person gets a cardiac arrest. How do we understand it in perspective?
Dr Devi Shetty: This is called silent attack; that is why we recommend everyone past the age of 30 to undergo routine health checkups.
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Are heart diseases hereditary?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes
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What are the ways in which the heart is stressed? What practices do you suggest to de-stress? Dr Devi Shetty: Change your attitude towards life. Do not look for perfection in everything in life.
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Is walking better than jogging or is more intensive exercise required to keep a healthy heart?
Dr Devi Shetty: Walking is better than jogging since jogging leads to early fatigue and injury to joints
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You have done so much for the poor and needy. What has inspired you to do so?
Dr Devi Shetty: Mother Theresa, who was my patient.
--------
Can people with low blood pressure suffer heart diseases?
Dr Devi Shetty: Extremely rare
--------
Does cholesterol accumulates right from an early age (I'm currently only 22) or do you have to worry about it only after you are above 30 years of age?
Dr Devi Shetty: Cholesterol accumulates from childhood.
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How do irregular eating habits affect the heart?
Dr Devi Shetty: You tend to eat junk food when the habits are irregular and your body's enzyme release for digestion gets confused.
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How can I control cholesterol content without using medicines?
Dr Devi Shetty: Control diet, walk and eat walnut.
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Can yoga prevent heart ailments?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yoga helps.
----------
Which is the best and worst food for the heart?
Dr Devi Shetty: Best food is fruits worst are oil.
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Which oil is better - gingili, groundnut, sunflower, saffola, olive?
Dr Devi Shetty: All oils are bad; the so-called best oil company has the largest marketing budget.
--------
What is the routine checkup one should go through? Is there any specific test?
Dr Devi Shetty: Routine blood test to ensure sugar, cholesterol is ok. Check BP, Treadmill test after an echo.
--------
How different was it in treating Noor Fatima, the little kid from Pakistan?
Dr Devi Shetty: It was extremely difficult, Because of the media attention. As far as the medical treatment is concerned, she is like any other child with a complex heart problem.
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What are the first aid steps to be taken on a heart attack?
Dr Devi Shetty: Help the person into a sleeping position, put an aspirin tablet under the tongue with a sorbitrate tablet if available, and rush him to a coronary care unit since the maximum casualty takes place within the first hour.
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How do you differentiate between pain caused by a heart attack and that caused due to gastric trouble?
Dr Devi Shetty: Extremely difficult without ECG.
---------
What is the main cause of a steep increase in heart problems amongst youngsters? I see people of about 30-40 yrs of age having heart attacks and serious heart problems.
Dr Devi Shetty: Increased awareness has increased incidents. Also, edentary lifestyles, smoking, junk food, lack of exercise in a country where people are genetically three times more vulnerable for heart attacks than Europeans and Americans.
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Is it possible for a person to have BP outside the normal range of 120/80 and yet be perfectly healthy?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes.
------
Marriages within close relatives can lead to heart problems for the child. Is it true?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes, co-sanguinity leads to congenital abnormalities and you may not have a software engineer as a child
--------
Many of us have an irregular daily routine and many a times we have to stay late nights in office. Does this affect our heart? What precautions would you recommend?
Dr Devi Shetty: When you are young, nature protects you against all these irregularities. However, as you grow older, respect the biological clock.
--------
Will taking anti-hypertensive drugs cause some other complications (short / long term)?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes, most drugs have some side effects. However, modern anti-hypertensive drugs are extremely safe.
--------
Will consuming more coffee/tea lead to heart attacks?
Dr Devi Shetty: No.
-------
Are asthma patients more prone to heart disease?
Dr Devi Shetty: No.
------------
How would you define junk food?
Dr Devi Shetty: Fried food like Kentucky, McDonalds, samosas, and even masala dosas.
----------
You mentioned that Indians are three times more vulnerable. What is the reason for this, as Europeans and Americans also eat a lot of junk food?
Dr Devi Shetty: Every race is vulnerable to some disease and unfortunately, Indians are vulnerable for the most expensive disease.
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Does consuming bananas help reduce hypertension?
Dr Devi Shetty: No.
----------
Can a person help himself during a heart attack (Because we see a lot of forwarded emails on this)?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes. Lie down comfortably and put an aspirin tablet of any description under the tongue and ask someone to take you to the nearest coronary care unit without any delay and do not wait for the ambulance since most of the time, the ambulance does not turn up.
----------
Do, in any way, low white blood cells and low hemoglobin count lead to heart problems?
Dr Devi Shetty: No. But it is ideal to have normal hemoglobin level to increase your exercise capacity.
-----------
Sometimes, due to the hectic schedule we are not able to exercise. So, does walking while doing daily chores at home or climbing the stairs in the house, work as a substitute for exercise?
Dr Devi Shetty: Certainly. Avoid sitting continuously for more than half an hour and even the act of getting out of the chair and going to another chair and sitting helps a lot.
------------
Is there a relation between heart problems and blood sugar?
Dr Devi Shetty: Yes. A strong relationship since diabetics are more vulnerable to heart attacks than non-diabetics.
----------
What are the things one needs to take care of after a heart operation?
Dr Devi Shetty: Diet, exercise, drugs on time. Control cholesterol, BP, weight.
---------------
Are people working on night shifts more vulnerable to heart disease when compared to day shift workers?
Dr Devi Shetty: No.
-------------
What are the modern anti-hypertensive drugs?
Dr Devi Shetty: There are hundreds of drugs and your doctor will chose the right combination for your problem, but my suggestion is to avoid the drugs and go for natural ways of controlling blood pressure by walk, diet to reduce weight and changing attitudes towards lifestyles.
------------
Does dispirin or similar headache pills increase the risk of heart attacks?
Dr Devi Shetty: No.
----------
Why is the rate of heart attacks more in men than in women?
Dr Devi Shetty: Nature protects women till the age of 45.
---------
How can one keep the heart in a good condition?
Dr Devi Shetty: Eat a healthy diet, avoid junk food, exercise everyday, do not smoke and, go for a health checkup if you are past the age of 30 for at least once in two yrs. And work very hard
... Have a healthy life.....

SALARY INCREASE..

HOW TO ASK YOUR BOSS FOR A SALARY INCREASE..?

One day an employee sends a letter to his boss asking for an increase in his salary!!!
Dear Bo$$

In thi$ life, we all need $ome thing mo$t de$perately. I think you $hould be under$tanding of the need$ of u$ worker$ who have given $o much $upport including $weat and $ervice to your company. I am $ure you will gue$$ what I mean and re$pond $oon.

Your$ $incerely,
Norman $oh

The next day, the employee received this letter of reply:

Dear NOrman,

I kNOw you have been working very hard. NOwadays, NOthing much has changed. You must have NOticed that our company is NOt doing NOticeably well as yet. NOw the newspaper are saying the world`s leading ecoNOmists are NOt sure if the United States may go into aNOther recession. After the NOvember presidential elections things may turn bad. I have NOthing more to add NOw. You kNOw what I mean.

Yours truly,
Manager

Good in Bad.....

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small, uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up to the sky. The worst had happened ~everything was lost. He was stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he cried. Early the next day, however, he was wakened by the sound of a ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw your smoke signal," they replied. It's easy to get discouraged sometimes when things appear to be going badly. But we shouldn't lose heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a positive answer for it. Pass this on, you never know whose life may be in need of this today. Believe me, there are some weeks that we all feel our huts are burning.

Find your birthday and then find your tree.

Find your birthday and then find your tree. This is really cool andsomewhat accurate.
Dec 23 to Jan 01 - Apple Tree
Jan 01 to Jan 11 - Fir Tree
Jan 12 to Jan 24 - Elm Tree
Jan 25 to Feb 03 - Cypress Tree
Feb 04 to Feb 08 - Poplar Tree
Feb 09 to Feb 18 - Cedar Tree
Feb 19 to Feb 28 - Pine Tree
Mar 01 to Mar 10 - Weeping Willow Tree
Mar 11 to Mar 20 - Lime Tree
Mar 21 (only) - Oak Tree
Mar 22 to Mar 31 - Hazelnut Tree
Apr 01 to Apr 10 - Rowan Tree
Apr 11 to Apr 20 - Maple Tree
Apr 21 to Apr 30 - Walnut Tree
May 01 to May 14 - Poplar Tree
May 15 to Ma y 24 - Chestnut Tree
May 25 to Jun 03 - Ash Tree
Jun 04 to Jun 13 - Hornbeam Tree
Jun 14 to Jun 23 - Fig Tree
Jun 24 (only) - Birch Tree
Jun 25 to Jul 04 - Apple Tree
Jul 05 to Jul 14 - Fir Tree
Jul 15 to Jul 25 -Elm Tree
Jul 26 to Aug 04 - Cypress Tree
Aug 05 to Aug 13 - Poplar Tree
Aug 14 to Aug 23 - Cedar Tree
Aug 24 to Sep 02 - Pine Tree
Sep 03 to Sep 12 - Weeping Willow Tree
Sep 13 to Sep 22 - Lime Tree
Sep 23 (only) - Olive Tree
Sep 24 to Oct 03 - Hazelnut Tree
Oct 04 to Oct 13 - Rowan Tree
Oct 14 to Oct 23 - Maple Tree
Oct 24 to Nov 11 - Walnut Tree
Nov 12 to Nov 21 - Chestnut Tree
Nov 22 to Dec 01 - Ash Tree
Dec 02 to Dec 11 - Hornbeam Tree
Dec 12 to Dec 21 - Fig Tree
Dec 22 (only) - Beech Tree
TREES (in alphabetical order)
Apple Tree (Love) -- quiet and shy at times, lots ofcharm, appeal,and attraction, pleasant attitude, flirtatious smile,adventurous,sensitive, loyal in love, wants to love and be loved,faithful andtender partner, very generous, many talents, loveschildren, needsaffectionate partner.
Ash Tree (Ambition) -- extremely attractive,vivacious, impulsive,demanding, does not care for criticism, ambitious,intelligent,talented, likes to play with fate, can be veryegotistic, reliable,restless lover, sometimes money rules over the heart,demands attention,needs love and much emotional support.
Beech Tree (Creative) -- has good taste, concernedabout its looks,materialistic, good organization of life and career,economical, goodleader, takes no unnecessary risks, reasonable,splendid lifetimecompanion, keen on keeping fit (diets, sports, etc.).
Birch Tree (Inspiration) -- vivacious, attractive,elegant, friendly,unpretentious, modest, does not like any thing inexcess, abhors thevulgar, loves life in nature and in calm, not verypassionate, full ofimagination, little ambition, creates a calm andcontent atmosphere.
Cedar Tree (Confidence) -- of rare strength, knows howto adapt, likesunexpected presents, of good health, not in the leastshy, tends to lookdown on others, self-confident, a great speaker,determined, oftenimpatient, likes to impress others, has many talents,industrious,healthy optimism, waits for the one true love, able tomake quickdecisions..
Chestnut Tree (Honesty) -- of unusual stature,impressive,well-developed sense of justice, fun to be around, aplanner, borndiplomat, can be irritated easily, sensitive of othersfeelings, hardworker, sometimes acts superior, feels not understoodat times, fiercelyfamily oriented, very loyal in love, physically fit.
Cypress Tree (Faithfulness) -- strong, muscular,adaptable, takes whatlife has to give but doesn't necessarily like it,strives to be content,optimistic, wants to be financially independent, wantslove andaffection, hates loneliness, passionate lover whichcannot be satisfied,faithful, quick-tempered at times, can be unruly andcareless, loves togain knowledge, needs to be needed.
Elm Tree (Noble-mindedness) -- pleasant shape,tasteful clothes, modestdemands, tends not to forgive mistakes, cheerful,likes to lead but notto obey, honest and faithful partner, likes makingdecisions for others,noble-minded, generous, good sense of humor,practical.
Fig Tree (Sensibility) -- very strong minded, a bitself-willed,honest, loyal, independent, hates contradiction orarguments, hardworker when wants to be, loves life and friends,enjoys children andanimals, few sexual relationships, great sense ofhumor, has artistictalent and great intelligence.
Fir Tree (Mysterious) -- extraordinary taste, handlesstress well,loves anything beautiful, stubborn, tends to care forthose close tothem, hard to trust others, yet a social butterfly,likes idleness andlaziness after long demanding hours at work, rathermodest, talented,unselfish, many friends, very reliable.
Hazelnut Tree (Extraordinary) -- charming, sense ofhumor, verydemanding but can also be very understanding, knowshow to make alasting impression, active fighter for social causesand politics,popular, quite moody, sexually oriented, honest, aperfectionist, has aprecise sense of judgment and expects completefairness.
Hornbeam Tree (Good Taste) -- of cool beauty, caresfor its looks andcondition, good taste, is not egoistic, makes life ascomfortable aspossible, leads a reasonable and disciplined life,looks for kindnessand acknowledgment in an emotional partner, dreams ofunusual lovers, isseldom happy with its feelings, mistrusts most people,is never sure ofits decisions, very conscientious.
Lime Tree (Doubt) -- intelligent, hard working,accepts what lifedishes out, but not before trying to change badcircumstances into goodones, hates fighting and stress, enjoys getawayvacations, may appeartough, but is actually soft and relenting, alwayswilling to makesacrifices for family and friends, has many talentsbut not alwaysenough time to use them, can become a complainer,great leadershipqualities, is jealous at times but extremely loyal.
Maple Tree (Independence of Mind) -- no ordinaryperson, full ofimagination and originality, shy and reserved,ambitious, proud,self-confident, hungers for new experiences, sometimesnervous, has manycomplexities, good memory, learns easily, complicatedlove life, wantsto impress.
Oak Tree (Brave) -- robust nature, courageous, strong,unrelenting,independent, sensible, does not like change, keeps itsfeet on theground, person of action.
Olive Tree (Wisdom) -- loves sun, warmth and kindfeelings, reasonable,balanced, avoids aggression and violen ce, tolerant,cheerful, calm,well-developed sense of justice, sensitive,expressive, well-empathetic,free of jealousy, loves to read and the company ofsophisticatedpeople.
Pine Tree (Peacemaker) -- loves agreeable company,craves peace andharmony, loves to help others, active imagination,likes to writepoetry, not fashion conscious, great compassion,friendly to all, fallsstrongly in love but will leave if betrayed or liedto, emotionallysoft, low self esteem, needs affection andreassurance.
Poplar Tree (Uncertainty) -- looks very decorative,talented, not veryself-confident, extremely courageous if necessary,needs goodwill andpleasant surroundings, very choosy, often lonely,great animosity, greatartistic nature, good organizer, tends to lean towardphilosophy,reliable in any situation, takes partnershipseriously.
Rowan Tree (Sensitivity) -- full of charm, cheerful,gifted withoutegoism, likes to draw attention, loves life, motion,unrest, and evencomplications, is both dependent and independent, goodtaste, artistic,passionate, emotional, good company, does not forgive.
Walnut Tree (Passion) -- unrelenting, strange and fullof contrasts,often egotistic, aggressive, noble, broad horizon,unexpected reactions,spontaneous, unlimited ambition, no flexibility,difficult and uncommonpartner, not always liked but often admired, ingeniousstrategist, veryjealous and passionate, no compromise.
Weeping Willow (Melancholy) - likes to be stress free,loves familylife, full of hopes and dreams, attractive, veryempathetic, lovesanything beautiful, musically inclined, loves totravel to exoticplaces, restless, capricious, hon est, can beinfluenced but is not easyto live with when pressured, sometimes demanding, goodintuition,suffers in love until they find that one loyal,steadfast partner; lovesto make others laugh.

Promotion

Tom and Jerry joined a wholesale company together, just after graduation. Both worked very hard. After several years, the boss promoted Tom to Sales Executive but Jerry remained a sales rep.One day, Jerry could not take it anymore, tendered his resignation and complained to the boss that he did not value hard working staff, but only promoted those who flattered him.The boss knew that Jerry worked very hard over the years, but in order to help Jerry realize the difference between him and Tom, the boss asked Jerry to do the following. Go and find out if anyone is selling water melons in the market. Jerry returned and said yes. The boss asked how much per kg? Jerry went back to the market to ask and returned to inform the boss it was$12 per kg.Boss told Jerry, I will ask Tom the same question.Tom went out and on returning, reported to the boss: "Only one person selling water melons. $12 per kg, $100 for 10kg, he has inventory for 340 melons. On the table 58 melons, every melon weighs about 15 kg, bought from the South two days ago, they are fresh and red, good quality.Jerry was very impressed and realized the difference between himself and Tom. He decided not to resign but to learn from Tom.My dear friends, a more successful person is more observant, thinks more and understands in-depth. For the same matter, a more successful person sees several years ahead, while the other see only tomorrow.

DREAM...........

It was but yesterday we met in a dream.
You have sung to me in my aloneness, and
I of your longings have built a tower in the sky.
But now our sleep has fled and our dream is over,
and it is no longer dawn.
The noontide is upon us and our half
waking has turned to fuller day, and we must part.
If in the twilight of memory we should meet once more,
we shall speak again to-gether
and you shall sing to me a deeper song.
And if our hands should meet in another dream,
we shall build another tower in the sky

Echo of life

A son and his father were walking on the mountains.Suddenly, his son falls, hurts himself and screams: "AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!" To his surprise, he hears the voice repeating, somewhere in the mountain:"AAAhhhhhhhhhhh!!!"

Curious, he yells: "Who are you?" He receives the answer: "Who are you?" Angered at the response, he screams: "Coward!" He receives the answer: "Coward!" He looks to his father and asks: "What's going on?"


The father smiles and says: "My son, pay attention." And then he screams to the mountain: "I admire you!" The voice answers: "I admire you!" Again the man screams: "You are a champion!" The voice answers: "You are a champion!"


The boy is surprised, but does not understand. Then the father explains: "People call this ECHO, but really this is LIFE. It gives you back everything you say or do. Our life is simply a reflection of our actions.

If you want more love in the world, create more love in your heart. If you want more competence in your team, improve your competence. This relationship applies to everything, in all aspects of life; Life will give you back everything you have given to it."
YOUR LIFE IS NOT A COINCIDENCE. IT'S A REFLECTION OF YOU!

"Give Love to someone today!"

Today before you think of saying an unkind word Think of someone who can't speak.
Before you complain about the taste of your food Think of someone who has nothing to eat . Before you complain about your husband or wife Think of someone who's crying out to God for a companion.
Today before you complain about life Think of someone who went too early to heaven.
Before you complain about your children Think of someone who desires children but they're barren.
Before you argue about your dirty house; someone didn't clean or sweep ,Think ofthe people who are living in the streets.
Before whining about the distance you drive Think of someone who walks the same distance with their feet.
And when you are tired and complain about your job Think of the unemployed, the disabled and those who wished they had your job.
But before you think of pointing the finger or condemning another Remember thatnot one of us are without sin and we all answer to one maker.
And when depressing thoughts seem to get you down Put a smile on your face and thank God you're alive and still around.
Life is a gift Live it... Enjoy it... Celebrate it... And fulfill it.
And while you are at it give love to someone today Love someone with what you do and the words you say
Love is not meant to be kept locked inside of us and hidden. So give it away"Give Love to someone today!"

Friends & Boss

Having friends at work is a great stress reliever. You can share gossip over a drink after work, share a laugh over the latest consultant's "strategy" or training session, commiserate about computer network foibles, and vent about co-workers and the boss. But what do you do when your friend suddenly becomes the boss?

A change in your buddy's rank can put a strain on the friendship, especially if you report directly to your friend. "When my good friend of 10 years became my supervisor, things were a little tense at the start," says Sam, an optometric equipment sales representative.

Initially both friends might be unsure about how to approach this change in status. "When an individual's status changes, it creates a change in the rules of the relationships that person has with others," explains Barb Villalba of Fox Valley Family Counseling, based in the Chicago metro area.

How you communicate and perceive one another's value can change. For example, if a more passive friend becomes the supervisor of the friend who was the leader in the relationship, both may have trouble adjusting to the new dynamic of their relationship.

Also, the cadence of the relationship or the amount of time each contributes to the relationship will change when one becomes a superior of the other. "My friend and I had an unstated agreement to have drinks after work on Fridays. When she became my supervisor, she simply didn't have time to do it every week," says Sam.

Villalba says communication is the key to dealing with these rule changes. She offers a list of friendship rules that might change in your relationship and how to use communication to cope:

Old Rule: The boss is the enemy. "Some people assume their superiors are their adversaries. If you are one of those people, you have to adjust your perceptions of what a boss is," says Villalba.

New Rule: The boss is your friend. Talk to your friend about what his or her expectations are of you as a direct report.

Old Rule: We can talk about anything. "Most friendships have an unwritten rule that says you should share your innermost thoughts about common topics like work or personal life," says Villalba.

New Rule: We can talk about most things, but not about co-workers or confidential information. Discuss with your friend what topics should be off-limits. "As soon as she took the job, my friend candidly told me she could no longer discuss our co-workers' performance or personal issues with me," explains Sam.

Old Rule: We eat lunch together every day. "Relationships have a rhythm, often with unstated expectations of how frequently each person will talk to or see the other," explains Villalba. Now as the department head or supervisor, one friend might have less time, or it may seem politically incorrect for the boss to spend too much time with one particular employee.

New Rule: We get together away from work. Acknowledge with your friend that your routine of spending time together might have to change and that you'll have to make more effort to see each other away from the office.

Old Rule: I am the leader in this relationship. "Very few relationships are completely equal," says Villalba. The follower in the friendship might become the superior at work.

New Rule: I am still the leader in the friendship, but a contributor at work. "It's unlikely that the friendship dynamic will change much, but both friends have to acknowledge that at work, the leader in the friendship will have to concede that leadership (at times)," Villalba explains.

By addressing the changes in the rules of your friendship, you and your new boss can have a less bumpy transition to your new roles. "It's important that friends establish new ground rules when circumstances change the dynamic of the friendship. This is true for any relationship," Villalba says.

GOOD IN BAD

The only survivor of a shipwreck was washed up on a small,
uninhabited island. He prayed feverishly for God to rescue him, and
every day he scanned the horizon for help, but none seemed
forthcoming. Exhausted, he eventually managed to build a little hut
out of driftwood to protect himself from the elements, and to store
his few possessions. But then one day, after scavenging for food, he
arrived home to find his little hut in flames, the smoke rolling up
to the sky. The worst had happened ~everything was lost. He was
stunned with grief and anger. "God, how could you do this to me?" he
cried. Early the next day, however, he was wakened by the sound of a
ship that was approaching the island. It had come to rescue him. "How
did you know I was here?" asked the weary man of his rescuers. "We saw
your smoke signal," they replied. It's easy to get discouraged
sometimes when things appear to be going badly. But we shouldn't lose
heart, because God is at work in our lives, even in the midst of pain
and suffering. Remember, next time your little hut is burning to the
ground, it just may be a smoke signal that summons the grace of God.
For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has a
positive answer for it. Pass this on, you never know whose life may
be in need of this today. Believe me, there are some weeks that we
all feel our huts are burning.

HEIGHT OF OPTIMISAM

Soldier : "Sir, we're surrounded!"

Officer : "Excellent. We can attack in any direction!"

KHYO_WHY

kyon chalti hai pawan
because of evoporation
kyon jhoome hai gagan
because of earth's revolution
kyon machalta hai mann
because of eccessive respiration
na tum jano na hum
but i just gave all the answers
kyon aati hai bahaar
because of change in season
kyon lutata hai karaar
because of mental tension
kyon hota hai pyaar
because of fatal attraction
na tum jano na hum l
ike i said these are all science phenomena
kyon gum hai har disha
because u have lost the sense of direction
kyon hota hai nasha
because of drug addiction
kyon aata hai mazaa
but science gives all the information

LIFE_POEM

Around the corner I have a friend,
In this great city that has no end,
Yet the days go by and weeks rush on,
And before I know it, a year is gone.
And I never see my old friends face,
For life is a swift and terrible race,
He knows I like him just as well,
As in the days when I rang his bell.
And he rang mine but we were younger then,
And now we are busy, tired men.
Tired of playing a foolish game,
Tired of trying to make a name.
"Tomorrow" I say! "I will call on Jim
Just to show that I'm thinking of him."
But tomorrow comes and tomorrow goes,
And distance between us grows and grows.
Around the corner, yet miles away,
"Here's a telegram sir," "Jim died today."
And that's what we get and deserve in the end.
Around the corner, a vanished friend.
Remember to always say what you mean.
If you love someone, tell them.
Don't be afraid to express yourself. Reach out and tell someone
what they mean to you. Because when you decide that it is the right time it might be too late.
Seize the day. Never have regrets. And most importantly, stay
close to your friends and family, for they have helped make you the person that you are today.

LOVE OF AN ACCOUNTANT..........

In the JOURNAL paper of my Heart,
I have written a JOURNAL ENTRY,
DEBITING your Love & CREDITING my Affection,
Darling you write a NARRATION.
Your First Love, I have already indicated
In the LEDGER FOLIO columns,
Any way our relations are based
On a DOUBLE ENTRY system,
And as our LOVE is REAL & TANGIBLE,
You DEBIT what comes in,
I CREDIT was goes out,
Your Beauty is CAPITAL in our Business,
My eyes are STOCK-IN-TRADE,
Let us enter into a TRANSACTION.
You secretly give a TRADE DISCOUNT,
I will openly give you a CASH DISCOUNT,
And thus my Partner,
Our TRADING AND PROFIT & LOSS ACCOUNT
Will show SUPER PROFITS.
On the CHEQUE of your Cheeks,
I have enclosed all my WEALTH.
Any time you desire to do so,
The little counter of my Heart
will remain open for you,
Even during NON-BANKING hours.
Darling, you are just like a CONTRA ENTRY,
You are at the DEBIT side and CREDIT side,
Both at the same time.
And so my dear, Let us RECTIFY All our ERRORS AND
TOTAL THE TRIAL BALANCE of our affairs ARITHMETICALLY,
without maintaining any SUSPENSE ACCOUNT. I
n the BALANCE SHEET of life,
Our children will be ASSETS & SUNDRY DEBTORS,
If they are boys, we will call them SUNDRY DEBTORS.
If they are girls, we will call them SUNDRY CREDITORS,
But if they are a Boy & a Girl,
Our BALANCE SHEET will TALLY Automatically
and our AUDITORS will certify,
"THE ACCOUNTS SHOW A TRUE & FAIR VIEW OF LOVELY BUSINESS CONDUCTED BY YOU & ME DURING THE LIFE...."

BY----- A CHARTERED ACCOUNTANT

Me and my Boss:

When I Take a long time to finish, I am slow,
When my boss takes a long time, he is thorough,
When I don't do it, I am lazy,
When my boss does not do it, he is busy,
When I do something without being told, I am trying tobe smart,
When my boss does the same, he takes the initiative,
When I please my boss, I am apple polishing,
When my boss pleases his boss, he is cooperating,
When I make a mistake, I am an idiot.
When my boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
When I am out of the office, I am wandering around.
When my boss is out of the office, he's on business.
When I am on a day off sick, I am always sick.
When my boss is a day off sick, he must be very ill.
When I apply for leave, I must be going for aninterview
When my boss applies for leave, it's because he'soverworked
When I do good, my boss never remembers,
When I do wrong, he never forgets

Methods to block stolen Mobile.....

Each of our Mobile phone handsets has a unique serial number. Check this number by Keying in the following digits on your phone: *#06#
A 15 digit code will appear on the screen. This number is unique to your handset. Write it down and keep it somewhere safe. If your phone get stolen, you can phone your service provider and give them this code. They will then be able to block your mobile phone, and render it useless, even if the SIM card is changed. You probably won't get your phone back, but at least you know that who ever stole it will be unable to use it but perhaps as a paperweight.
If everybody did this, there would be no point in stealing a mobile phone. Please pass this message on to as many people as possible.

MOMENTS IN LIFE

There are moments in life when you miss someone so much
that you just want to pick them fromyour dreams and hug them for real!
When the door of happiness closes, another opens;
but often times we look so long at theclosed door that
we don't see the onewhich has been opened for us.
Don't go for looks; they can deceive.
Don't go for wealth; even that fades away.
Go for someone who makes you smile,
because it takes only a smile tomake a dark day seem bright.
Find the one that makes your heart smile.
Dream what you want to dream;
go where you want to go;
be what you want to be,
because you have only one life
and one chance to do all the things you want to do.
May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong,
enough sorrow to keep you human,
andenough hope to make you happy.
The happiest of people don't necessarilyhave the best of everything;
they just make the most ofeverything that comes along their way.
The brightest future will alwaysbe based on a forgotten past;
you can't go forward in life untilyou let go of your past failures and heartaches.
When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.
Live your life so at the end,
you're the one who is smiling and
everyonearound you is crying.
Don't count the years--count the memories...........
Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take,
but by the moments that take our breath away !

Never Be Afraid to do something new.......

TWO TOUGH QUESTIONS

Question 1:

If you knew a woman who was pregnant, who had 8 kids already,
three who were deaf, two who were blind, one mentally retarded, and she
hadsyphilis, would you recommend that she have an abortion ?


Read the next question before looking at the answer for this one.

Question 2:


It is time to elect a new world leader, and only your vote counts.
Here are the facts about the three leading candidates.


Candidate A -


Associates with crooked politicians, and consults with astrologists.

He's had two Mistresses. He also chain smokes and drinks 8 to 10
martinis a day.

Candidate B -


He was kicked out of office twice, sleeps untilnoon, used opium in
college and drinks a quart of whiskey every evening.

Candidate C -

He is a decorated war hero. He's a vegetarian, doesn't smoke,
drinks an occasional beer and never cheated on his wife.

Which of these candidates would be your Choice?

Decide first, no peeking, then scroll down for the answer.

Candidate A : is Franklin D. Roosevelt.

Candidate B : is Winston Churchill.

Candidate C : is Adolph Hitler.

And, by the way, the answer to the abortion question:

If you said yes, you just killed Ludwig van Beethoven, the world's
Greatest Composer.

Pretty interesting isn't it? Makes a person think before judging someone.
Never be afraid to try something new

Never Love a Programmer

Now that I've lived to see this day,
These are the things I must but say.
Die a bachelor, if your options're few,
Never ever love a programmer,
they'll make a program out of you.
Don't laugh it away,
mine has been an object lesson,
They find syntax errors,
even in a romantic __expression.
Alas they search logic in love,
where there is none,
Yo heart may skip a beat
and they just hit return.
You are in for trouble
if you persist,
You'll just be a pointer
in a long linked list.
They would never oblige you
even with a smile,
And if smile come to their lips,
they consign it to a file.
They have little regard for
your amorous approaches,
Plight will be yours,
infinite loops & blunderous goaches.
You are bitten by different bugs,
though love it may appear,
Just when you think you're going steady,
you'll get run time error.
And if your beloved may be a programmer in COBOL,
May God be with you for they are the worst of them all.
Sticklers for standards,
you'll have a rough time,
You'll die of keeping tabs,
in your youth prime.
Beauty and brain together,
which was never meant to be,
They have them both and are for sure deadly.
And yet there are Heros who's love has made history,
But why their fates didn't hang is still a mystery.
So follow my advice if in me you have any trust,
Wait for the day when the beauty becomes an analyst.

Newtons Law for IT

(ORIGINAL) 1. Every body continues its state of rest or uniform motion unless it is acted by external unbalanced force.
(IT)Every Software Engineer continues his state of chatting or forwarding mails unless he is assigned work by external unbalanced manager.
(ORIGINAL) 2. The rate of change of velocity of a body is directly proportional to the applied force & takes place in the same direction in which force is applied
(IT)The rate of change in the software is directly proportional to the payment received from client and takes place at the quick rate as when deadline force is applied.
(ORIGINAL)3.For every action there is equal and opposite reaction.
(IT)For every Use Case Manifestation there is an equal but opposite Software Implementation.
This one is too good …….
(ORIGINAL) 4. Law of Conservation of Energy: Energy can neither be created nor be destroyed. It can be converted from one form to another. The total amount of energy in the universe always remains constant.
(IT)Bugs can neither be created nor be removed from software by a developer. It can only be converted from one form to another. The total number of bugs in the software always remains constant.

This is how we Indians work.........

This is how we Indians work.
All staff comes to work from 6amand leaves even after 11pm.
Suddenly, one guy started his day at 9am.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
And he left at 6pm.
All the guys exchanged "looks".
Next day is the same story.
And the day after is the same story.
Finally, they come to this rebel to explain the rules.
He listened, kept quiet for a while and said:

"Excuse me guys, I am on vacation"

Potatoes

Some people never seem motivated to participate, but are just content to watch while others do the work.
They are called "Spec Taters".
Some people never do anything to help, but are gifted at finding fault with the way others do the work.
They are called "Comment Taters".
Some people are very bossy and like to tell others what to do, but don't want to soil their own hands.
They are called "Dick Taters".
Some people are always looking to cause problems by asking others to agree with them. It is too hot or too cold, too sour or too sweet.
They are called "Agie Taters".
There are those who say they will help, but somehow just never get around to actually doing the promised help.
They are called "Hezzie Taters".
Some people can put up a front and pretend to be someone they are not.
They are called "Emma Taters".
Then there are those who love others and do what they say they will. They are always prepared to stop whatever they are doing and lend a helping hand. They bring real sunshine into the lives of others.
They are called "Sweet Po Taters".
If you know any "Sweet Po Taters", send this to them!!

Programmers Love......

Just know that the love I have for you
Is not to be put in a stack or queue
Like a variable in an infinite loop
Be in my heart always and never stop

My heart is like a port, unread,
and the love I have has only one thread
You are in my heart's RAM and not in the cache
So if you won't respond, my heart will crash.

Like an application that is stand alone,
I'm a programmer who earns a lot on my own
And my request is clear, without any encryption
And hope it is not void, that you return.

If Java can be linked with C
Or if e-mails can be sent for free
Why on earth can't you and me
For the rest of our life time together be

pls cooldown.............

Proverbs

Thoughts are like arrows: once
released, they strike their mark.

Guard them well or one day you
may be your own victim.

Do not spit into the well you may
have to drink out of.

Children are love made visible.

You will understand a parent's love
when you hold your own child in
your arms.

Experience is the mother of wisdom.

If we could sell our experiences for
what they cost us, we'd all be
millionaires.

If you dig a grave for others, you
might fall into it yourself.

Envy shoots at others and wounds
herself.

Where there is a pro there is a con.

There is no sun without a shadow.

People hate what they do not
understand.
Don't hate - it's too big a burden
to bear.
He who doesn't look ahead
remains behind.
If you look back, you'll soon be
going that way.
Friendship is like wine, the older
it is the better it is.
There is no need like the lack of a
friend.
He who plants a garden plants
happiness.
You can plant a dream.
Horse sense is just stable thinking.
Common sense is genius dressed in
its working clothes.
No matter how fast the lie, in the
end the truth will pass it.

The language of truth is simple.

A friend's eye is a good mirror.

There is no better mirror than the
face of an old friend.

There is no fear where there is faith.

Faith is not belief without proof,
but trust without reservations.

Work on your reputation until it is
established; when it is established,
it will work for you.

Reputation is what you are in the
light; character is what you are in
the dark.

Grief shared is half grief; joy shared
is double joy.

A joy that's shared is a joy made
double.

He who speaks sows, and he who
listens harvests.

The eyes of men speak words the
tongue cannot pronounce.

May the Lord grant me a sword
and no need to use it.

Peace is costly, but it is worth the
expense.

Money borrowed is soon sorrowed.

He that goes a-borrowing, goes a-
sorrowing.

Do not try to fight a lion if you are
not one yourself.

Don't look back: Something may
be gaining on you.

Treat the world well. It was not
given to you by your parents. It was
willed to you by your children.

One generation passed away, and another generation cometh; but the earth abided forever.

He who follows his own advice must
take the consequences.

It's no use giving good advice
unless you have the wisdom to go w
ith it.

Proverbs in conversation are
torches in darkness.

A proverb is to speech what salt is to
food.

Flowers are for our souls to enjoy.

If you enjoy the fruit, pluck not the
flower.

The best way to find happiness is
not to search for it.

Everything comes to him who waits.

Age should think and youth should
do.

It is better to wear out than to rust
out.

Conscience is the voice of the soul.

Conscience is a mother-in-law
whose visit never ends.

Riddles

Q: What is the last word in the English language?
Answer: Language
Q: What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
Answer: A carrot
Q: What kind of dog can jump higher then a house?
Answer: Any kind. A house can't jump.
Q: Jane’s father has four daughters. East, West and North. Who is the 4th one?
Answer: Jane
Q: If a rooster laid an egg on a roof, which way would the wind blow it?
Answer: The wind wouldn’t blow the eggs anywhere because roosters don’t lay eggs!
Q: A cowboy rode into town on Friday. He stayed two nights in the local hotel and left on Friday. How is that possible?
Answer: The cowboy's horse was named Friday.
Q: What goes up when the rain comes down?
Answer: An umbrella.
Q: The Millionaire Mystery... A very hard working fellow decided to go into the business of selling bicycle wheels. He bought the wheels from the bicycle wheel factory for $15 a piece and sold them for $10 a piece. Needless to say, he sold a great many bicycle wheels and it wasn't long before he became a Millionaire. How did he do it?
Answer: This fellow was a hard worker, okay, but he sure wasn't very smart. He lost money on every wheel he sold. Soon, he lost most of his family fortune selling the wheels. Before he went into the bicycle wheel business, he was a BILLIONARE and LOST so much money he became a MILIIONAIRE!
Q: First think of a person who lives in disguises who deals with secrets and tells nought but lies. Next tell me what’s always last to mend.The middle of middle and the end of end. And finally give me the sound often heard during the search of a hard-to-find word.Now string them together and answer me this which creature would you be unwilling to kiss
Answer: A spider!
Q: A lady was in a shop and she shot someone, put them under water, dried them, and in 5 minutes went to have lunch with them. How is that possible?
Answer: She took a picture.
Q: In a one story house everything was blue the walls were blue the chairs were blue everything was blue so what colour was the stairs?
Answer: There are no stairs in a 1-story house.
Q: What has a head and a tail but no body?
Answer: A coin.
Q: If you were driving a bus that dropped 10 people of in Lincoln, 99 at France, 30 at Afghanistan, 80 at Spain, 20 at India and 6 at Asia what would be the driver's name?
Answer: Whatever your name is!
Q: 2 in a corner,1 in a room,0 in a house, but 1 in a shelter. What am I?
Answer: The letter r!
Q: The word has seven letters, Preceded God, Greater than God More evil than the devil, Poor people have it, Rich people need it, If you eat it you will die.
Answer: - NOTHING! Nothing has 7 letters, Nothing preceded God, Nothing is greater than God, Nothing s more evil than the devil, All poor people have nothing, Rich people need nothing, If you eat nothing you will die!
Q: What seven-letter word has hundreds of letters in it?
Answer: Mailbox!
Q: If you had a ton of feathers, and a ton of stones which would be the heaviest?
Answer: They both weigh a ton so they're the same!
Q: What is black and white and read all over?
Answer: A newspaper!

Problem science has with God

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and.....

Prof: So you believe in God?
Student: Absolutely, sir.
Prof: Is God good?
Student: Sure.
Prof: Is God all-powerful?
Student: Yes.
Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him.
Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm? (Student is silent.)
Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Is Satan good?
Student: No.
Prof: Where does Satan come from?
Student: From...God...
Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student: Yes.
Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?
Student: Yes. Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)
Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?
Student: Yes, sir.
Prof: So, who created them? (Student has no answer.)
Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you.
Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?
Student: No, sir.
Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God?
Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?
Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.
Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student: Yes.
Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist.
What do you say to that, son?
Student: Nothing. I only have my faith.
Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.
Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Prof: Yes.
Student: And is there such a thing as cold?
Prof: Yes.
Student: No sir. There isn't. (The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.) Student: Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat.
But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go
any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of
heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it. (There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)
Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?
Student : You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright
light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In
reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you? Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?
Student: Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?
Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it.Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.) Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher? (The class is in uproar.)
Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain? (The class breaks out into laughter.)
Student: Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir? (The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.
Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH. That is all that keeps things moving & alive.
NB: I believe you have enjoyed the conversation...and if so...you'll probably want your friends/colleagues to enjoy the same...won't you?....

Friday, March 24, 2006

12 Signs You're About to Be Fired

12 Signs You're About to Be FiredBy Kate Lorenz, CareerBuilder.com Editor

Think a pink slip could be headed in your direction? Most people who are let go know their time is up or (in retrospect) say they should have seen it coming. While there are no sure signs of professional apocalypse, here are 12 clues your job may be in peril:

1. You're Out of the Loop. You no longer get advanced notice of company news or reports; and you seem to be losing your voice in organizational matters. You are not copied on memos you normally receive or invited to meetings you usually attend.

2. Your Boss Has an Eye on You. You feel as if you're being scrutinized more closely and that your boss no longer trusts you. Your decisions are constantly questioned, your expense reports put under a microscope, and you have less latitude to work independently.

3. You're Getting the Siberia Treatment. You used to know all the scoop -- be it business or social in nature. Now your co-workers avoid you and the last conversation you had with your superiors was a lame attempt at pleasant banter.

4. You Had a Bad Review. You received a poor performance rating and a disproportionate amount of negative feedback. If you received a warning or were given a "performance improvement plan," it's really time to start packing!

5. Your Superior is Leaving Paper Trails. Your boss communicates with you predominately in writing. You receive memos pointing out errors, criticizing your performance and confirming any meetings or discussions the two of you have had.

6. You and Your Boss Are Not Getting Along. Corporate management will swear it's not personal, yet many downsizings are actually ways to get rid of unpopular or "black-listed" employees. Performance is a subjective judgment and managers are more likely to get rid of people they don't like.

7. Your Mentor is Gone. The executive who always championed you has left the company or been rendered powerless.

8. You Publicly Messed Up. You made a blatant error that embarrassed your boss or made the company look bad. Or, you're part of a team that goofed up and they need a scapegoat.

9. New Blood Has Taken Over. Your company is about to merge, be acquired or undergo reorganization and your leader suddenly disappears. New hires have become the wave of the future and they've been given the directive to "shake things up."

10. You're Being Set Up to Fail. You've been assigned to an undesirable territory or given impossible tasks with unrealistic deadlines and little support.

11. You've Been Stripped of Your Duties. You've been asked to compile a report of all your ongoing projects and pushed hard to finish one or two specific projects. Or, you've been relieved of your core duties so that you can work on meaningless "special projects." You are encouraged not to do your usual long-term planning.

12. You're Hearing Rumors. If you're hearing rumors of your demise, take heed: Where there's smoke, there's fire!At one point or another we're all vulnerable to the proverbial corporate ax. Don't live in denial. If you recognize more than one of these signs, it's time to look for greener pastures and take steps to reverse your fate.

Laugh Aloud

-Ravan had 20 eyes but he sighted only one woman ....you have only 2eyes but you sight every woman. Now who is Ravan?
****************************
Scientists are trying to figure out how long a person can live withoutbrain. Please tell them your age!
*****************************
Mistakes are not crime......if you correct them they are the key ofsuccess. FOR EXAMPLE....God created you ......He then created me.
*****************************
Munna bhai: agar bina daton ka kuta kate to kya karna chahiye?Circuit: simple, bina sui ke injection lena chahiye.
***********************
Bikhari: 50 paise de de maine 3 din se khana nahin khaya hai.Kanjoos: 10 rupaye dunga, pahele ye bata 50 paise mein khana kahanmilta hai.
****************************
Santa: Yaar bachpan mein 20 male se gir gaya tha.Banta: to fir bach gaya ya mar gaya?Santa: yaad nahin hai bahut purani baat hai.
*************************
Boy: mom, aaj mera dost ghar aa raha hai....ghar ke sab khilone chhupade.Mom: tera dost chor hai kya?Boy: nahin, woh apne khilone pahechan lega.
*********************
INTERVIEW : Imagine, in a closed room, how can you escape if it caughtfire?Sardar: Simple, stop imagining..
***********************
Sardar 100 watt bulb par baap ka naam likh raha tha.Baap ne puchha "kya kar rahe ho?"Sardar : baap ka naam roshan kar raha hoon.
***********************
Two Sardars were walking together.1st Sardar: Yaar mar gaya , meri biwi aur premika saath aa rahi hain.2nd Sardar: oye, main bhi yehi bol raha tha.
**************************
PAPAD aur JAPAD mein kya farak hai.Khake dekho pata chal jayega.
***************************
Sardar: in my dreams rats play football every night.DR: take this tablet you will be ok.Sardar: Can I take tommorrow, tonight is final game.

Breakfast at McDonald's

I am a mother of three (ages 14, 12, 3) and have recently completed my college degree.The last class I had to take was Sociology. The teacher was absolutely inspiring with the qualities that I wish every human being had been graced with. Her last project of the term was called "Smile." The class was asked to go out and smile at three people and document their reactions. I am a very friendly person and always smile at everyone and say hello anyway, so, I thought this would be a piece of cake, literally. Soon after we were assigned the project, my husband, youngest son, and I went out to McDonald's one crisp March morning. It was just our way of sharing special playtime with our son. We were standing in line, waiting to be served, when all of a sudden everyone around us began to back away, and then even my husband did. I did not move an inch... an overwhelming feeling of panic welled up inside of me as I turned to see why they had moved. As I turned around I smelled a horrible "dirty body" smell, and there standing behind me were two poor homeless men. As I looked down at the short gentleman, close to me, he was "smiling". His beautiful sky blue eyes were full of God's Light as he searched for acceptance. He said, "Good day" as he counted the few coins he had been clutching. The second man fumbled with his hands as he stood behind his friend. I realized the second man was mentally challenged and the blue-eyed gentleman was his salvation. I held my tears as I stood there with them. The young lady at the counter asked him what they wanted. He said, "Coffee is all Miss" because that was all they could afford. (If they wanted to sit in the restaurant and warm up, they had to buy something. He just wanted to be warm). Then I really felt it - the compulsion was so great I almost reached out and embraced the little man with the blue eyes. That is when I noticed all eyes in the restaurant were set on me, judging my every action. I smiled and asked the young lady behind the counter to give me two more breakfast meals on a separate tray. I then walked around the corner to the table that the men had chosen as a resting spot. I put the tray on the table and laid my hand on the blue-eyed gentleman's cold hand. He looked up at me, with tears in his eyes, and said, "Thank you." I leaned over, began to pat his hand and said, "I did not do this for you. God is here working through me to give you hope." I started to cry as I walked away to join my husband and son. When I sat down my husband smiled at me and said, "That is why God gave you to me, Honey, to give me hope." We held hands for a moment and at that time, we knew that only because of the Grace that we had been given were we able to give. We are not church goers, but we are believers. That day showed me the pure Light of God's sweet love. I returned to college, on the last evening of class, with this story in hand. I turned in "my project" and the instructor read it. Then she looked up at me and said, "Can I share this?" I slowly nodded as she got the attention of the class. She began to read and that is when I knew that we as human beings and being part of God share this need to heal people and to be healed. In my own way I had touched the people at McDonald's, my husband, son, instructor, and every soul that shared the classroom on the last night I spent as a college student. I graduated with one of the biggest lessons I would ever learn: UNCONDITIONAL ACCEPTANCE. An Angel wrote: Many people will walk in and out of your life, but only true friends will leave footprints in your heart. To handle yourself, use your head. To handle others, use your heart. God gives every bird its food, but He does not throw it into its nest. Keep this going.

Life's Little Instruction Book :-)

Have a firm handshake.
Look people in the eye.
Sing in the shower.
Own a great stereo system.
If in a fight, hit first and hit hard.
Keep secrets.
Never give up on anybody.
Miracles happen everyday.
Always accept an outstretched hand.
Be brave.
Even if you're not, pretend to be.
No one can tell the difference.
Whistle.
Avoid sarcastic remarks.
Choose your life's mate carefully. From this one decision will come 90 per cent of all your happiness or misery.
Make it a habit to do nice things for people who will never find out.
Lend only those books you never care to see again.
Never deprive someone of hope; it might be all that they have.
When playing games with children, let them win.
Give people a second chance, but not a third.
Be romantic.
Become the most positive and enthusiastic person you know.
Loosen up. Relax.
Except for rare life-and-death matters, nothing is as important as it first seems.
Don't allow the phone to interrupt important moments. It's there for your convenience, not the caller's.
Be a good loser.
Be a good winner.
Think twice before burdening a friend with a secret.
When someone hugs you, let them be the first to let go.Be modest.
A lot was accomplished before you were born.
Keep it simple.
Beware of the person who has nothing to lose.
Don't burn bridges. You'll be surprised how many times you have to cross the same river.
Live your life so that your epitaph could read, No RegretsBe bold and courageous.
When you look back on life, you'll regret the things you didn't do more than the one's you did.
Never waste an opportunity to tell someone you love them.
Remember no one makes it alone.
Have a grateful heart and be quick to acknowledge those who helped you.
Take charge of your attitude.
Don't let someone else choose it for you.
Visit friends and relatives when they are in hospital; you need only stay a few minutes.
Begin each day with some of your favorite music.
Once in a while, take the scenic route.
Send a lot of Valentine cards. Sign them, 'Someone who thinks you're terrific.'
Answer the phone with enthusiasm and energy in your voice.
Keep a note pad and pencil on your bed-side table.
Million-dollar ideas sometimes strike at 3 a.m.
Show respect for everyone who works for a living, regardless of how trivial their job.
Send your loved ones flowers.
Think of a reason later.
Make someone's day by paying the toll for the person in the car behind you.
Become someone's hero.
Marry only for love.
Count your blessings.
Compliment the meal when you're a guest in someone's home.
Wave at the children on a school bus.
Remember that 80 per cent of the success in any job is based on your ability to deal with people.
Don't expect life to be fair.

Have u ever wondered why????

*U can study and get any certificates.. but u cannot get ur death certificate
*U may have AIRTEL or BSNL connection but when u sneeze u ll say HUTCH
* *U can bcom an engineer if u study in Engineering college .. u cannot bcom a president if u study in Presidency College
* *U can expect a BUS from a BUS stop ... u cannot expect a FULL from FULL stop
* *A mechanical engineer can bcom a mechanic but a software engineer cannot bcom a software
* *U can f ind tea in tea cup.. but cannot find world in world cup
* *U can find keys in Key board but u cannot find mother in mother board..
* U can stick anything with a glue, but the Glue do not stick to the bottle.
*U dont find money grow on trees, but then why do banks have branches?
*U find round pizza comming in a square box..........

"Husband Shopping Center"

A "Husband Shopping Center" was opened where a woman could go to choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with the men increasing in positive attributes, as the floors got higher.

The only rule was once a woman opened the door to any floor, she had to choose a man from that floor, and if she went up a floor, she couldn't back down except to leave the place.

So, a couple of girlfriends go to the place to find men.

First floor:The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."The women read the sign and say, "Well that's better than not having jobs or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they go.

Second floor:The sign says, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and are extremely good looking."“Hmmm, say the girls. But, I wonder what's further up?"

Third floor:These men have high paying jobs, are extremely good looking, love Kids and help with the housework."Wow!" say the women. "Very tempting, BUT, there's more further up!?"And so again, they go up.

Fourth floor:"These men have high paying jobs, love kids, are Extremely good looking,help with the housework, and have a strong romantic streak." "Oh,mercy me. But just think!! What must be awaiting us further on!"So up to the fifth floor they go.

Fifth floor:The sign on that door said: "This floor is just to prove that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping and have a nice day."

world wide survey

A worldwide survey was conducted by the UN.The only question asked was:"Would you please give your honest opinion about solutions to the food shortage in the rest of the world?" The survey was a huge failure...WHY ?

In Africa they didn't know what 'food' meant.
In India they didn't know what 'honest' meant.
In Europe they didn't know what 'shortage' meant.
In China they didn't know what 'opinion' meant.
In the Middle East they didn't know what 'solution' meant.
In South America they didn't know what 'please' meant.
And in the USA they didn't know what 'the rest of the world' meant!

Strange Love Letter

This is a love letter, where the guy expresses his feelings to his love, purely in terms of product punch lines....

You are my TVS SCOOTY (First Love) and also my AIWA (PURE PASSION). IAlways BPL (Believe in best) and you are SANSUI (Better than best). You are MC DOWEL'S (Mera number one) love LA O PALA (Made for one). I believe in FRESHIYA (Gorepan se jyade khoobsurti ka wada) and you are one of the most beautiful in this world.I think of you day and night. When you give me one and only smile I feel you are DOMINO'S PIZZA (Delivering a Million of smile per day). This is COLGATE ENERGEY GEL (Seriously Fresh) feeling for me. I would like you to be my life partner. I know you are worried about your Father who is KAWASAKI BAJAJ CALIBER (The unshakable) and also my Father who is CEAT (Born tough). But don't worry I am also FORD ICON (The Josh Machine) and rest of our family members are KELVINATOR (The coolest one). If they will say no we will run away and marry and PHILIPS (Lets make things better). They will feel MIRINDA (Jor ka jatka dhire se lage) and we are COCA COLA (Jo chahe ho Jaye Coca cola enjoy). Trust in God who's always NOKIA (Connecting people) those who love each other.And we are WILLS (Made for each Other). We will be HERO HONDA (Leading the way) of our love life. Then our life will be BOLERO (Break free).Now HUNDAI (we are listening) the song of love you must know that love is DAIRY MILK (The real taste of life), SATYAM ON LINE (Fun, fast, easy), PARX (always comfortable) and also AMUL (The real taste of India) and for me life is HOME TRADE (Life means more). So never forget me.OK bye! I wrote but PEPSI (Ye dil mange More)

LG [Digitally yours]

Test for dementia

Below are four (4) questions and a bonus question.

You haveto answer them instantly.

You can't take your time, answer allof them immediately.
OK?

Let's find out just how clever you really are.
Ready?
GO!!! (scroll down)

First Question:You are participating in a race. You overtake the secondperson. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you areabsolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and youtake his place, you are second!Try not to screw up in the next question.

To answer the second question, don't take as much time as youtook for the first question.

Second Question:If you overtake the last person, then youare...?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then youare wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?!You're not very good at this! are you?

Third Question:Very tricky math! Note: This must be done inyour head only.Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000. Now add30. Add another 1000. Now add 20. Now add another 1000Now add 10. What is the total?

Scroll down for answer.. .

Did you get 5000?

The correct answer is actually 4100.

Don't believe it? Check with your calculator!

Today isdefinitely not your day. Maybe you will get the last question right?

Fourth Question:Mary's father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini,4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?

Answer: Nunu?

NO! Of course not. Her name is Mary.

Read the question againOKay,

Now the bonus round .

There is a mute person who wants to buy a toothbrush. Byimitating the action of brushing one's teeth he successfullyexpresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase isdone.Now if there is a blind man who wishes to buy a pair ofsunglasses, how should he express himself?

He just has to open his mouth and ask, so simple.

KEEP THIS GOING TO FRUSTRATE THE "SMART PEOPLE" IN YOUR LIFE !

Count your happiness by smiles ,not tearsCount your age by friends, not years

The Jar of life-Time management....

The Mayonnaise Jar and 2 cups of coffee... When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours in a day are not enough, remember the mayonnaise jar...and 2 cups of coffee...
A Professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large empty mayonnaise jar and began to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the class if the jar was full. They agreed that it was. The Professor picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was. The Professor then picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more asked if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes." The Professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed. "Now", said the Professor, as the laughter subsided," I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things - your God, family, your children, - things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full. The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house and your car. The sand is everything else - the small stuff. If you put the sand in the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles and golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18 holes. There will always be time to clean the house and fix the disposal. Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand." One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee represented. The Professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of cups of coffee with a friend."

Think simple.

One of the most memorable case studies on Japanese management was thecase of the empty soap box, which happened in one of Japan's biggestcosmetics companies. The company received a complaint that a consumerhad bought a soap box that was empty. Immediately the authoritiesisolated the problem to the assembly line, which transported all thepackaged boxes of soap to the delivery department. For some reason,one soap box went through the assembly line empty. Management asked itsengineers to solve the problem. Post-haste, the engineers worked hard todevise an X-ray machine with high-resolution monitors manned by twopeople to watch all the soap boxes that passed through the line to makesure they were not empty. No doubt, they worked hard and they workedfast but they spent whoopee amount to do so. But when a rank-and-fileemployee in a small company was posed with the same problem, did not getinto complications of X-rays, etc but instead came out with anothersolution. He bo ught a strong industrial electric fan and pointed it atthe assembly line. He switched the fan on, and as each soap box passedthe fan, it simply blew the empty boxes out of the line.

Moral of the story : Think simple.